The Secret of Being Miserable

The...what of what what? Yes, you read that right: The Secret of Being Miserable.

Really. Why not? After all, we've spent a lot of space here talking about The Secret DVD; and we'll continue spending a lot of space on it in the future -- especially when the Sequel to the Secret is released.

But right now, we can take a little detour :) from our path and look at something that many of us have in-depth personal experience with in one way or another: the secret of being miserable.

And before you move that mouse cursor over to the "comment" box, let me take the bold step of confirming that, yes, it is a secret; in the sense that it's something so many of us aren't aware of. You could say it's an unhidden secret. But given that so many of us continually overlook it, it's about as well-guarded as any other secret out there. Maybe it's even more well guarded because it's not well guarded at all! In other words, maybe we're expecting some complicated or "deep" answer that requires years and years of meditative inner-exploration.

Well, that's not what we're going to do here. Instead, we're just going to go out and blurt this unhidden, unguarded secret, and hope that the fact that this isn't wildly-complicated isn't a disappointment to you.

Want to know? Are you sure?

Because once you know what this secret is, you're never really going to be able to fully be miserable again. Oh, you may be miserable from time to time -- but it won't go as deep; it won't last as long. And for some people, being miserable is something they've cultivated for years. Saying goodbye to something that you've spent time with for so long -- even something as utterly destructive as chronic misery -- can be difficult. People become accustomed to misery; just as they become accustomed to joy.

Remember, too, please: we aren't talking about sadness, or even despair. Those are, indeed, authentic emotions that are worthy of experiencing in their own way. When we engage injustice, cruelty, loss of life or health, or any kind of suffering, feelings of authentic sadness and empathy can emerge within us. That is not merely "okay" -- that is HUMAN.

Misery, on the other hand, is a really lousy emotion; it's probably the worst one. Because it's not authentic; it's kind of like a by-product. It's like junk food. It seems to taste okay, but it's not nourishing. It just fills you up, but once it's inside you, it actually starts to act quite...unfriendly. Quite violent. Your body doesn't like it, and it doesn't like you. Misery is the same way. Your soul doesn't like misery; it doesn't align with it. It can do nothing with misery. It cannot transform misery into empathy, into compassion, into silence, into stillness, into anything of value. Just like junk food fills you up with "empty calories," misery fills you up with "empty energy." And your soul DOESN'T LIKE empty energy. It has dignity. It wants authentic nourishment.

So...

After reading all of that, are you SURE that you're ready for this? Because, like I said, even if you disagree with what I'm about to share with you -- and by all means, disagree if you want to! -- if even a tiny piece of your soul grabs hold of the truth of this, it will start to change your whole life. Remember: once your soul hears or reads the truth, it can never let go. That is the "characteristic" of authentic, eternal, timeless truth: it sticks to your soul.

Ready?

It's just one word (see, I warned you it was simple.)

And that word is...

Comparison.

Wait. I know what you're thinking: huh? What?

Shouldn't the "magic word" be something more...well, more miserable? Something like "death" or "pain" or "violence" or "greed" or something?

No. The word for today is comparison.

You cannot be miserable without comparison. Remember: we are not talking about sadness. Sadness is something altogether, qualitatively different. Sadness can be (and often is) quite beautiful and poetic. Sadness is a part of the human experience; it is something that MAKES us human.

But as we said, misery is just a lousy "substitute" for sadness; it pretends to be sadness, but it's just empty energetic noise that can ruin your day, your week, your year, your decade -- and for many people, most of their ENTIRE ADULT LIFE.

Think about it. Really. After you "close" this blog, sit back and think about it for yourself. How can you be miserable if you don't compare?

Comparison is the language of the ego. The ego cannot exist unless it is comparison. After all, the ego is obsessed with analysis: with giving names to things, with categorizing them, with pretending that it "knows" what something is, simply because it "knows" what that thing is called. And how can you know something without comparison?

Don't get me wrong. When you decide what to watch on TV, what websites to visit, what car to buy, what home to buy, or even what to name your new cat, you may indeed be comparing -- but that comparison is entirely different than the kind we're talking about here. That comparison is intelligence. It's simply looking at the reality of different things and making an informed decision. There is no suffering in it; there is no poor me story. There is no emotional drama attached to it. You simply choose the option that fits with your requirements, your goals, or whatever else. That's normal; that's healthy.

But when you dwell in comparison -- when you sit and ruminate miserably on what you "could" have that you don't, what your rivals have that you don't, what you could be "if it weren't for a limitation"...then you are entering the realm of misery.

Sound bizarre? Again: don't take my word for it. THINK about it. Reflect on it for as long as you'd like, and then the next time you feel yourself descending into misery, try and give yourself a little "wake up" call and think of this blog. See the mechanism of comparison as it is working in you.

When you see it, something utterly miraculous happens: you are no longer unconscious of it. You become the witness of your own mechanical misery-making machine. And that's the first step towards joy.

Try it. I'd love to hear about your experiences -- please share!

Until tomorrow...