The self-help world -- which embraces but includes far more than merely The Secret and its associated teachings -- is full of very helpful, encouraging and sage advice.
However, it's also full of things that aren't so great -- or, to be more specific and possibly more generous than we truly need to be -- it contains unconscious people with unconscious ideas which center around two things: identifying your money and then GETTING it, somehow.
Now, I'm not suggesting that the self-help field is overwhelmed by scam artists, liars, cheats, and folks who are out to get you. Yet I am saying that as you travel this path, you do yourself a tremendous service by being both alert and aware. That doesn't mean paranoid. It simply means, well, alert and aware.
You see, the self-help path -- regardless of the path that you're on, or the tradition or the school or the teaching -- is all designed to get you more in touch with reality. This is a subtle point to understand, because many people are in fact driven to the self-help field because they don't LIKE their reality -- and they want something better!
However, the core truth is, is that real self-help is about re-connecting you with reality itself; not the (bad) reality that you interpret or project out into the world and to other people, but the reality of your BEING. You had it as a small child -- all small children do -- but you lost it (as almost all adults to). Real self-help will always try and guide you BACK to yourself.
As such, you need to pay close attention to how you feel about things and whether it's taking you closer to reality or, paradoxically, sending you further and further away. Indeed, there are some -- and I won't mention names or products -- things to buy on the Internet that seem very self-help-friendly, and contain all kinds of great marketing (with a nice little price tag at the end!), but I simply don't feel that they're much at all -- they're more designed to get your money than to help you.
Stay alert and stay aware -- that's all you need. Self-help is not a fairy tale, nor is it somehow immune from the everyday laws of reality. Fire is hot -- you won't get "away" from that reality by reading books about how to "interpret fire in a more enlightened way." Similarly, ice is cold.
And a weird "deal" that wants to part you from your money is, more often then not, indeed a weird deal that wants to part you from your money.
Be alert, be aware.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Fear
Our personalities, our experiences, our cultures, and even our genetics help "shape" how we interpret the world in which we live. In this sense, each of us truly does live in "our own little world" because, indeed, no two people can possibly interpret the same thing in precisely the same way; and that itself is a beautiful testament to nature's utter love of variety. Nature doesn't copy. Nature is always original, even if people can choose not to be.
However, despite all of the different ways we interpret our world, there is one thing that underlies the experience of almost everyone: fear.
Forget what some personality tests and theories tell you -- that only some people are "fear based" while others are "anger based" or whatever. The root emotion that drives most people is only one thing: fear.
Why? What are we so afraid of?
We are afraid of being ourselves. We're afraid that if we simply BE ourselves-- not try to be something else in the future, or someone else in the future -- that we will suffer. We will somehow be rejected or punished or something like that. And so we strive, endlessly, exhaustively, to BECOME something else; not because we actually want to become something else, but because WE WANT THE FEAR TO STOP.
However, the fear cannot stop because the root problem is not "out there" in the future, in tomorrow's success or next week's goal or whatever else. The root fear is simply a anxiety and misalignment that erupts when we refuse to accept ourselves as we are.
Until you accept yourself as you are -- without condemnation, without criticism, without commentary, but simply as you are -- fear will follow you like a shadow. Yes, sometimes the shadow seems to go away -- but the shadow is always there; sometimes looming, other times slim and hard to see.
Stop becoming. Start BEING. And see how it transforms your life.
However, despite all of the different ways we interpret our world, there is one thing that underlies the experience of almost everyone: fear.
Forget what some personality tests and theories tell you -- that only some people are "fear based" while others are "anger based" or whatever. The root emotion that drives most people is only one thing: fear.
Why? What are we so afraid of?
We are afraid of being ourselves. We're afraid that if we simply BE ourselves-- not try to be something else in the future, or someone else in the future -- that we will suffer. We will somehow be rejected or punished or something like that. And so we strive, endlessly, exhaustively, to BECOME something else; not because we actually want to become something else, but because WE WANT THE FEAR TO STOP.
However, the fear cannot stop because the root problem is not "out there" in the future, in tomorrow's success or next week's goal or whatever else. The root fear is simply a anxiety and misalignment that erupts when we refuse to accept ourselves as we are.
Until you accept yourself as you are -- without condemnation, without criticism, without commentary, but simply as you are -- fear will follow you like a shadow. Yes, sometimes the shadow seems to go away -- but the shadow is always there; sometimes looming, other times slim and hard to see.
Stop becoming. Start BEING. And see how it transforms your life.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tomorrow Never Comes
Perhaps the most central and most challenging issue or concept in the entire 21st century self-help world -- led by folks like Eckhart Tolle and others -- is this: tomorrow never comes.
What makes this so challenging for us to accept is that, while we without question grasp the truth of this -- we need only to reflect on our private experiences to know that there has never been a "tomorrow" in our lives -- we are faced with the fear that, if we don't somehow plan and think and prepare for tomorrow, that we will somehow abandon our responsibility to life itself. We fear, for example, that accepting that there is no tomorrow will somehow render us weak or vulnerable in any number of ways -- financially, socially, in terms of intelligence, and so on.
And we certainly know someone, or many someones, who go around talking about "there is no tomorrow" and, well, you can see that they're simply using this "belief" as an excuse to avoid the responsibilities and challenges of today. And naturally, none of us want to end up doing that -- because, as we can see, that's not a solution either. People who constantly use "there's no tomorrow" as a convenient excuse for avoiding today are hardly happy; in fact, most of the time, they are quite miserable and unhappy.
See how challenging this really is?
The thing to grasp is really to change the emphasis from "there is no tomorrow" to one that is more illuminating and, indeed, more sensible: celebrate today.
When you appreciate today, when you accept it in its totality -- yes, this includes things that your mind says it doesn't like or doesn't want -- when you grasp and allow the reality of those things to co-exist with you -- you, in essence, celebrate today.
Remember: celebrating today doesn't mean having a party every day. There is no need. Sometimes its sunny, sometimes it rains. Sometimes days are smooth and easy, sometimes they are rough and challenging. It can all be celebrated, simply by accepting it as real -- by not taking a position that is fundamentally at odds with reality.
YES you can and will change things -- in fact, you don't have do change them, they will change on their own because the language of life is change. But if you celebrate reality -- that is, if you accept the TODAY-ness of your today -- then you ride the wave of change, rather than struggle anxiously against it.
What makes this so challenging for us to accept is that, while we without question grasp the truth of this -- we need only to reflect on our private experiences to know that there has never been a "tomorrow" in our lives -- we are faced with the fear that, if we don't somehow plan and think and prepare for tomorrow, that we will somehow abandon our responsibility to life itself. We fear, for example, that accepting that there is no tomorrow will somehow render us weak or vulnerable in any number of ways -- financially, socially, in terms of intelligence, and so on.
And we certainly know someone, or many someones, who go around talking about "there is no tomorrow" and, well, you can see that they're simply using this "belief" as an excuse to avoid the responsibilities and challenges of today. And naturally, none of us want to end up doing that -- because, as we can see, that's not a solution either. People who constantly use "there's no tomorrow" as a convenient excuse for avoiding today are hardly happy; in fact, most of the time, they are quite miserable and unhappy.
See how challenging this really is?
The thing to grasp is really to change the emphasis from "there is no tomorrow" to one that is more illuminating and, indeed, more sensible: celebrate today.
When you appreciate today, when you accept it in its totality -- yes, this includes things that your mind says it doesn't like or doesn't want -- when you grasp and allow the reality of those things to co-exist with you -- you, in essence, celebrate today.
Remember: celebrating today doesn't mean having a party every day. There is no need. Sometimes its sunny, sometimes it rains. Sometimes days are smooth and easy, sometimes they are rough and challenging. It can all be celebrated, simply by accepting it as real -- by not taking a position that is fundamentally at odds with reality.
YES you can and will change things -- in fact, you don't have do change them, they will change on their own because the language of life is change. But if you celebrate reality -- that is, if you accept the TODAY-ness of your today -- then you ride the wave of change, rather than struggle anxiously against it.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
The Most Sacred Place in the World
You likely don't have to travel far to find a place that, at least some people, consider sacred. Or, you can join the millions of people around the world who congregate at certain sacred places, such as temples, churches, and so on.
However, as venerable as these spaces are and as unusually deep as some of them are, there is actually another place that is far, far, far more sacred than even the most worshipped shrine; the most beloved structure.
It's the human heart.
Now, because everyone living has a human heart, this seems really bizarre; seems really ordinary. After all, often what makes sacred places so sacred is that they are rare. So how can the human heart be sacred? There are over 6 billion of them on the earth right now, and counting!
The fact is, however, that whether it's 6 billion or 10 billion or more, the human heart is still the most sacred "place" on earth. That's where consciousness -- or God, if you're willing to use that word -- lives.
How many human hearts do you hurt or damage in an "ordinary" day? How many times have you said something hurtful, or insulting, or just in an inconsiderate manner? How many times have you used your power or authority -- perhaps as a boss, a parent, or some other role -- and simply hurt the heart of another; someone with less power than you?
Each time you do this, you are violating the most sacred place on earth.
However, as venerable as these spaces are and as unusually deep as some of them are, there is actually another place that is far, far, far more sacred than even the most worshipped shrine; the most beloved structure.
It's the human heart.
Now, because everyone living has a human heart, this seems really bizarre; seems really ordinary. After all, often what makes sacred places so sacred is that they are rare. So how can the human heart be sacred? There are over 6 billion of them on the earth right now, and counting!
The fact is, however, that whether it's 6 billion or 10 billion or more, the human heart is still the most sacred "place" on earth. That's where consciousness -- or God, if you're willing to use that word -- lives.
How many human hearts do you hurt or damage in an "ordinary" day? How many times have you said something hurtful, or insulting, or just in an inconsiderate manner? How many times have you used your power or authority -- perhaps as a boss, a parent, or some other role -- and simply hurt the heart of another; someone with less power than you?
Each time you do this, you are violating the most sacred place on earth.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Intelligence vs. Intellectualism
Many people are of the opinion -- and it really is an opinion and nothing more -- that intellectualism is knowledge. These are people who claim to know things. However, their knowledge is not known at all; it's simply remembered. It's not actual knowledge; it's knowledge about something. And that, really, makes it not knowledge at all.
Hence, many people with very high IQs and who can solve all kinds of puzzles are considered "smart" but, really, are quite stupid :) when you actually look at them as whole people.
Intelligence is not dependant upon knowledge; intelligence is based on experience, and experience is far superior to knowledge. Experience deepens a person; it enlarges their capacity to BE. Knowledge, strangely, does the opposite: it clogs up their capacity to BE. That is why knowledgeable people are so afraid, deep down inside: because they think they know, but they don't really KNOW that they know. It's also why people who claim to know so much -- regardless of the topic -- are so impatient and at times condescending towards others; because deep inside they KNOW that they don't know, and so they need to pretend. And pretension is always aggressive; that is the nature of pretension. A truly knowledgeable person -- one who has experience instead of knowledge -- has no need to belittle or humiliate someone else. Someone merely pretending to be smart, however, must always do this because without such a defense, their incredible ignorance will be exposed.
If you want to be more intelligent, then you must open yourself up to more experiences. This doesn't mean that you run away from your "life" by planning one adventure after another. It simply means that you OPEN up -- right now -- to life that is happening around you.
Remember: life is not boring. Only you can be boring. Life is utterly mysterious -- really. So if you're bored, don't blame life; it's merely a symptom that your very approach to life -- your very orientation to life -- is flawed.
Hence, many people with very high IQs and who can solve all kinds of puzzles are considered "smart" but, really, are quite stupid :) when you actually look at them as whole people.
Intelligence is not dependant upon knowledge; intelligence is based on experience, and experience is far superior to knowledge. Experience deepens a person; it enlarges their capacity to BE. Knowledge, strangely, does the opposite: it clogs up their capacity to BE. That is why knowledgeable people are so afraid, deep down inside: because they think they know, but they don't really KNOW that they know. It's also why people who claim to know so much -- regardless of the topic -- are so impatient and at times condescending towards others; because deep inside they KNOW that they don't know, and so they need to pretend. And pretension is always aggressive; that is the nature of pretension. A truly knowledgeable person -- one who has experience instead of knowledge -- has no need to belittle or humiliate someone else. Someone merely pretending to be smart, however, must always do this because without such a defense, their incredible ignorance will be exposed.
If you want to be more intelligent, then you must open yourself up to more experiences. This doesn't mean that you run away from your "life" by planning one adventure after another. It simply means that you OPEN up -- right now -- to life that is happening around you.
Remember: life is not boring. Only you can be boring. Life is utterly mysterious -- really. So if you're bored, don't blame life; it's merely a symptom that your very approach to life -- your very orientation to life -- is flawed.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Here's something for you to consider that may at once terrify you and yet at the same time cover your soul like a cool, refreshing breezed of unexpected relief. Remember this: your soul already knows the truth of life, and whenever it hears it, it goes: ahhhhhhhhhh. But most of the time, the mind jumps in VERY QUICKLY and does whatever it can to ruin the experience -- to make you think of something fearful or dreadful, or something -- ANYTHING! -- because the mind doesn't want you to have those ahhhhhhh moments. Those ahhhhhhh moments are experiences that are beyond the mind, and as far as the mind is concerned, if you start getting a taste for them, you won't use the mind anymore, right? It's all about self-preservation, and your mind wants to survive just like anything else in nature.
So what's this all about? What's this potential "truth" that may radically change your life from this moment forward?
It's simply this: your mind cannot be happy.
You may need to read that again, and again, and again before you start to admit the possibility that, yes, there is some truth in this.
It's not that your mind is chronically miserable or in search of misery. It's that the mind -- itself -- exists in duality. That's the very nature of mind; it is a dialectic. It exists in a world of polarities and contrasts. That's why language, itself, is fundamentally structured around opposites. What is sweet? It's not sour. What is sour? It's not sweet. What is hot? Not cold. What is cold? Not hot. And on and on and on. EVERY word in language must exists in relation to its opposite; without an opposite -- without an antonym -- words cannot exist. That is simply the nature of words -- of language -- they are like the two sides of a ladder. Take one side away, and it's not a ladder.
And that's why the mind cannot be happy, because the mind exists in duality -- in the play of opposites. So to be happy means, naturally, to prepare oneself for a period of unhappiness. Just as how you can't build a mountain unless you have a valley -- if there's no valley, there is no mountain (because how would you know it's a mountain?!), if you actually believe that your mind can "be happy," then you are simply...well, asking for the impossible. You're asking for mountains without valleys -- and that can't be, because the mountain and the valley travel together. They have to -- it's not a ethical or moral point, it's extremely practical.
So to envision -- through the mind -- a life of "lasting happiness" is envisioning the impossible. Yes, the mind can have moments of happiness -- tastes of happiness -- that can last for a little while, but it's invariably followed by a period of unhappiness. IT HAS TO BE THIS WAY. Again, think of the valley and the mountain. You can walk on the mountain for a while -- depending on the size of the mountain, and perhaps, a mixture of your skill and just plain luck -- but eventually, you will come to the valley, because the mountain can only exist in cooperation with the valley. If you want to find a mountain without a valley beside it, then you are not in fact looking for a mountain at all -- you're looking for plain, even ground.
Does this depress you? Yes, it can if you look at it through the eyes of the mind. For years and years (and maybe decades and decades), you have done all kinds of things -- some you likely regret, some that were just plain painful and some that have yet to make any sense to you and your soul -- in order to "be happy." Or, to put it more directly: you've done all kinds of things and invested so much precious energy in order to give your mind what it told you "you needed to be happy." Basically, you've been working for your mind, and your mind is a REALLY ROTTEN EMPLOYER. In fact, if your mind were personified as your actual employer, you would quit in a matter of days! And you'd be amazed that such an idiotic and often cruel employer could even exist!
Yet for so many of us, we spend our entire lives working for an inner employer -- the mind -- and we never actually get paid. We get little tastes of happiness...a moment here, a day there, maybe a few weeks or at most a few months...but then it changes. Something changes because the mountain ends and the valley arrives. And then we feel lost, and miserable, and sad, because we wanted our happiness to last forever. That's what the mind promised, right? That's why we sacrificed our present moment -- years and years of precious life -- in order to "be happy forever" right? But it never comes...and it never will, because the very fundamentals make it impossible. Your mind cannot be happy in any meaningful and lasting way, because your mind lives in duality -- and duality is DUAL (hence the name :).
There is, however, a way out of this cycle of happy/sad/happy/sad/happy/sad that infects our entire planet, more or less.
Exit the mind. Not through any destructive manner, such as through drugs or alcohol (which don't actually exit the mind, just numbs it temporarily, like a snake charmer's flute), and not through any distraction -- planning vacations or thinking of a happy future or eating excessively or the millions of things people do to avoid their own mind-created misery.
The only way out of the mind -- the ONLY way out -- is meditation. Because meditation is the one human experience -- aside from dreamless deep sleep -- that is beyond the mind. Except, of course, in dreamless deep sleep, you are unconscious, and so cannot be transformed by it. But in meditation, you are consciously aware of the space beyond the mind.
Be careful though and be VERY alert. What many people consider and label meditation these days is not meditation. Sometimes, it's simply positive thinking (which doesn't work, for the reasons noted above). Other times, it's just relaxation (which is a good idea, but won't transform you). And sometimes, it's just tired old mind-games in the guise of something called meditation. These are typically the meditations that promise you a better life or more money or something stupid like that.
Meditation is beyond the mind. It is an experience of conscious awareness.
If you really want to "be happy" then drop the search for happiness, because your very search is actually going to take you closer and closer the misery, in the end -- just as the closer you get to the top of Mount Everest, the closer you get the to other side of the mountain -- the one that leads back down.
Instead, reclaim your RIGHT to be blissful -- and you do that through meditation, or not at all.
So what's this all about? What's this potential "truth" that may radically change your life from this moment forward?
It's simply this: your mind cannot be happy.
You may need to read that again, and again, and again before you start to admit the possibility that, yes, there is some truth in this.
It's not that your mind is chronically miserable or in search of misery. It's that the mind -- itself -- exists in duality. That's the very nature of mind; it is a dialectic. It exists in a world of polarities and contrasts. That's why language, itself, is fundamentally structured around opposites. What is sweet? It's not sour. What is sour? It's not sweet. What is hot? Not cold. What is cold? Not hot. And on and on and on. EVERY word in language must exists in relation to its opposite; without an opposite -- without an antonym -- words cannot exist. That is simply the nature of words -- of language -- they are like the two sides of a ladder. Take one side away, and it's not a ladder.
And that's why the mind cannot be happy, because the mind exists in duality -- in the play of opposites. So to be happy means, naturally, to prepare oneself for a period of unhappiness. Just as how you can't build a mountain unless you have a valley -- if there's no valley, there is no mountain (because how would you know it's a mountain?!), if you actually believe that your mind can "be happy," then you are simply...well, asking for the impossible. You're asking for mountains without valleys -- and that can't be, because the mountain and the valley travel together. They have to -- it's not a ethical or moral point, it's extremely practical.
So to envision -- through the mind -- a life of "lasting happiness" is envisioning the impossible. Yes, the mind can have moments of happiness -- tastes of happiness -- that can last for a little while, but it's invariably followed by a period of unhappiness. IT HAS TO BE THIS WAY. Again, think of the valley and the mountain. You can walk on the mountain for a while -- depending on the size of the mountain, and perhaps, a mixture of your skill and just plain luck -- but eventually, you will come to the valley, because the mountain can only exist in cooperation with the valley. If you want to find a mountain without a valley beside it, then you are not in fact looking for a mountain at all -- you're looking for plain, even ground.
Does this depress you? Yes, it can if you look at it through the eyes of the mind. For years and years (and maybe decades and decades), you have done all kinds of things -- some you likely regret, some that were just plain painful and some that have yet to make any sense to you and your soul -- in order to "be happy." Or, to put it more directly: you've done all kinds of things and invested so much precious energy in order to give your mind what it told you "you needed to be happy." Basically, you've been working for your mind, and your mind is a REALLY ROTTEN EMPLOYER. In fact, if your mind were personified as your actual employer, you would quit in a matter of days! And you'd be amazed that such an idiotic and often cruel employer could even exist!
Yet for so many of us, we spend our entire lives working for an inner employer -- the mind -- and we never actually get paid. We get little tastes of happiness...a moment here, a day there, maybe a few weeks or at most a few months...but then it changes. Something changes because the mountain ends and the valley arrives. And then we feel lost, and miserable, and sad, because we wanted our happiness to last forever. That's what the mind promised, right? That's why we sacrificed our present moment -- years and years of precious life -- in order to "be happy forever" right? But it never comes...and it never will, because the very fundamentals make it impossible. Your mind cannot be happy in any meaningful and lasting way, because your mind lives in duality -- and duality is DUAL (hence the name :).
There is, however, a way out of this cycle of happy/sad/happy/sad/happy/sad that infects our entire planet, more or less.
Exit the mind. Not through any destructive manner, such as through drugs or alcohol (which don't actually exit the mind, just numbs it temporarily, like a snake charmer's flute), and not through any distraction -- planning vacations or thinking of a happy future or eating excessively or the millions of things people do to avoid their own mind-created misery.
The only way out of the mind -- the ONLY way out -- is meditation. Because meditation is the one human experience -- aside from dreamless deep sleep -- that is beyond the mind. Except, of course, in dreamless deep sleep, you are unconscious, and so cannot be transformed by it. But in meditation, you are consciously aware of the space beyond the mind.
Be careful though and be VERY alert. What many people consider and label meditation these days is not meditation. Sometimes, it's simply positive thinking (which doesn't work, for the reasons noted above). Other times, it's just relaxation (which is a good idea, but won't transform you). And sometimes, it's just tired old mind-games in the guise of something called meditation. These are typically the meditations that promise you a better life or more money or something stupid like that.
Meditation is beyond the mind. It is an experience of conscious awareness.
If you really want to "be happy" then drop the search for happiness, because your very search is actually going to take you closer and closer the misery, in the end -- just as the closer you get to the top of Mount Everest, the closer you get the to other side of the mountain -- the one that leads back down.
Instead, reclaim your RIGHT to be blissful -- and you do that through meditation, or not at all.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Are you a Rock or a Flower?
In the world of manipulation and hypocrisy, the idea that "might is right" continues to convince people to do all kinds of remarkably insane things; things that range from the inconsiderate to the violent to the atrocious, and all things in between. In this kind of world, the gross reigns supreme.
However, in the spiritual world -- the world of creation, compassion, sharing, love, joy and peace -- things are turned 180 degrees the other way: the subtle is much more powerful than the gross. And that is why silence and spaciousness are the supreme manifestations of the spiritual world in this physical human dimension -- the "world of phenomena." Silence and stillness are the utter peaks of subtlety; they are so porous, so inviting, so welcoming, that they are in essence not even there. They are simply the space within which other things can happen.
If you are walking the real self-help path -- not the one that tries to make you richer or more powerful, but the one that tries to inspire your level of consciousness -- then you will eventually come to terms with the fact that life doesn't actually get "easier" -- because the more you travel, the more subtle things become, and as such, the more vulnerable you become.
Many people find this paradox to be curious and best and disconcerting at worst: that the more "they become their true selves," the more challenging life seems to become. This is because they expect it to become the other way around, and yes, that would be "logical." But the world is hardly a logical place. Yes, it has laws -- but those laws answer to a much, much higher authority than mere human-centric logic.
Travel the self-help path with your eyes and your heart open. There are times it will sting and hurt in ways that it simply won't hurt those who aren't on the path with you. After all, the rock feels no pain -- but the rock is impenetrable; it is static, immobile; dead. The flower, on the other hand, releases its fragrance to the wind; and the same wind can come by and force it to lean over on its stem, or perhaps, break off entirely.
Are you going to be a rock or a flower? You must choose, and accept the reality that comes with that choice.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Life is a Mystery
We're surrounded by so much science, so much technology, so much reason and logic, that we can easily forget the overwhelmingly fundamental "fact" that life is really and deeply an utterly mystery.
In fact, the very existence of life is so utterly mysterious -- so totally incomprehensible -- that if you simply reflect on this, you'll never think you really "know" anything ever again. And if you forget this -- if you start to think you've got it all figured out -- just glance at nature. Look at a bird's nest, or a spider's web, or how the clouds form, or how the sun shines...the list is endless.
Life is a mystery -- not a problem to be solved.
In fact, the very existence of life is so utterly mysterious -- so totally incomprehensible -- that if you simply reflect on this, you'll never think you really "know" anything ever again. And if you forget this -- if you start to think you've got it all figured out -- just glance at nature. Look at a bird's nest, or a spider's web, or how the clouds form, or how the sun shines...the list is endless.
Life is a mystery -- not a problem to be solved.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Freedom and Responsibility
Many people crave freedom. It could be freedom from something social -- like a political system -- or it can be personal financial freedom, or the freedom that a healthy body allows, or any other kind of freedom.
Yet what many people fail to realize -- fail to accept, rather -- is that the other side of freedom is responsibility.
This may seem strange, because we often think that freedom frees us from responsibility. This is superficially "true" but not actually, fundamentally, or spiritually true (and hence it's untrue). To enjoy freedom means to take responsibility. It means to take ownership of your life in its totality.
If you don't want to take responsibility, then it doesn't matter what you do -- or what life "does" to you: you will not experience freedom.
Freedom and responsibility go hand in hand. They are a package deal. You cannot have one without the other.
Yet what many people fail to realize -- fail to accept, rather -- is that the other side of freedom is responsibility.
This may seem strange, because we often think that freedom frees us from responsibility. This is superficially "true" but not actually, fundamentally, or spiritually true (and hence it's untrue). To enjoy freedom means to take responsibility. It means to take ownership of your life in its totality.
If you don't want to take responsibility, then it doesn't matter what you do -- or what life "does" to you: you will not experience freedom.
Freedom and responsibility go hand in hand. They are a package deal. You cannot have one without the other.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Hello Desire
Of all the wisdom that flows from Buddhism out into the western world, the statement that seems to cause the most...concern is simply this: desire is the cause of suffering.
Here's the thing. In the western world, the word desire is synonymous with passion, with striving, with something that is positive. We're told, for example, that having desire is essential to achieving a goal; particularly one that requires a great deal of dedicated and persistence -- such as becoming a professional dancer, athlete or something that requires, well, desire.
So when many of us hear that statement "desire is the source of suffering" we tend to...well, wish that Buddhists wouldn't say this, because it just seems to opposed to what we believe -- and indeed, have experienced -- to be true.
Now, I'm not claiming to be any kind of authority on Buddhism, but I will respectfully suggest a re-interpretation of this that may be of value to western eyes and hearts.
It's this: I feel that Buddha's observation that "desire is the source of suffering" could just as easily be updated to say that all leaving of the present moment is suffering, and desire is the "way out" of the present moment.
To "desire" therefore has nothing to do with goals or striving or passion or anything else. It has to do with a relationship to the present moment.
When people leave the present moment -- when they lunge into the past or leap towards the future -- they simply remove themselves from the "space" where peace exists.
It's kind of like if you're hungry -- you may go to a restaurant. You are, therefore, in the "right place" to satisfy that hunger. But if you go somewhere else where there is no food for sale -- say, if you go to the middle of a park and sit on the grass and wait -- then where you are is not "wrong" in any spiritual or ethical sense, but practically speaking, you simply cannot satisfy your hunger because you aren't in the right place to do that.
When you desire something else you leave the present moment. You may desire something good, or you may desire something bad. You may desire something to change, or you may desire something not to change. The bottom-line is the same: the desiring functions as a filter -- a screen -- between you and the only reality that you actually have: the present moment.
So the next time you hear the phrase "alldesire is the source of suffering," consider re-interpreting it -- and modernizing it -- to be: "all leaving the present moment is suffering, and desiring is the way to leave the present moment."
By all means, have goals. But don't trade your present reality for them. Because the present is all you have. Don't give away all you have for nothing. That's not mere suffering, that's kind of silly, too :)
Here's the thing. In the western world, the word desire is synonymous with passion, with striving, with something that is positive. We're told, for example, that having desire is essential to achieving a goal; particularly one that requires a great deal of dedicated and persistence -- such as becoming a professional dancer, athlete or something that requires, well, desire.
So when many of us hear that statement "desire is the source of suffering" we tend to...well, wish that Buddhists wouldn't say this, because it just seems to opposed to what we believe -- and indeed, have experienced -- to be true.
Now, I'm not claiming to be any kind of authority on Buddhism, but I will respectfully suggest a re-interpretation of this that may be of value to western eyes and hearts.
It's this: I feel that Buddha's observation that "desire is the source of suffering" could just as easily be updated to say that all leaving of the present moment is suffering, and desire is the "way out" of the present moment.
To "desire" therefore has nothing to do with goals or striving or passion or anything else. It has to do with a relationship to the present moment.
When people leave the present moment -- when they lunge into the past or leap towards the future -- they simply remove themselves from the "space" where peace exists.
It's kind of like if you're hungry -- you may go to a restaurant. You are, therefore, in the "right place" to satisfy that hunger. But if you go somewhere else where there is no food for sale -- say, if you go to the middle of a park and sit on the grass and wait -- then where you are is not "wrong" in any spiritual or ethical sense, but practically speaking, you simply cannot satisfy your hunger because you aren't in the right place to do that.
When you desire something else you leave the present moment. You may desire something good, or you may desire something bad. You may desire something to change, or you may desire something not to change. The bottom-line is the same: the desiring functions as a filter -- a screen -- between you and the only reality that you actually have: the present moment.
So the next time you hear the phrase "alldesire is the source of suffering," consider re-interpreting it -- and modernizing it -- to be: "all leaving the present moment is suffering, and desiring is the way to leave the present moment."
By all means, have goals. But don't trade your present reality for them. Because the present is all you have. Don't give away all you have for nothing. That's not mere suffering, that's kind of silly, too :)
Friday, June 13, 2008
Your Being Whispers -- It Doesn't YELL
Teachings like The Secret, and many others, advise people to become still and silent as an essential part of any growth experience. But have you ever reflected on why this is?
Yes, sure, stillness and silence seem like they "should" be part of things...but why? After all, the creator of this universe (you can give credit to whomever you wish :) also "created noise" right? So why is silence so much better than noise?
From what I've experienced and grasped, it's not a question of silence being "better" than noise -- it's not like that. It seems that the tone of the soul -- of your original self -- is very quiet. The inner you -- the one that guides you; your intuition -- simply doesn't yell. It whispers very faintly.
As such, only when you're still and silent can you actually start to hear what your being is trying to say. It may be telling you to do something or it may be telling you to not do something; but regardless of that advice from within, it's going to be quiet -- again, like a whisper.
How much time do you spend each day allowing yourself to hear your inner self give you direction? If you don't spend any time doing it then guess what?
You don't even know what you really want.
How can you "envision success" when you don't even know what you want?
Stop. Separate. Be silent.
Yes, sure, stillness and silence seem like they "should" be part of things...but why? After all, the creator of this universe (you can give credit to whomever you wish :) also "created noise" right? So why is silence so much better than noise?
From what I've experienced and grasped, it's not a question of silence being "better" than noise -- it's not like that. It seems that the tone of the soul -- of your original self -- is very quiet. The inner you -- the one that guides you; your intuition -- simply doesn't yell. It whispers very faintly.
As such, only when you're still and silent can you actually start to hear what your being is trying to say. It may be telling you to do something or it may be telling you to not do something; but regardless of that advice from within, it's going to be quiet -- again, like a whisper.
How much time do you spend each day allowing yourself to hear your inner self give you direction? If you don't spend any time doing it then guess what?
You don't even know what you really want.
How can you "envision success" when you don't even know what you want?
Stop. Separate. Be silent.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Grasping Uncertainty
Many of us tend to crave a kind of certainty about life; we want to know where we are, where we're going, and what life will "be like" when we get there. Indeed, the rather desperate attempt to acquire wealth -- I don't mean money, but I mean excess wealth -- is really, on the deepest and simplest level, a craving for certainty.
Unfortunately, certainty in life really doesn't exist. It's not that it "shouldn't" exist or "should" exist -- I'm not saying either of those things. It simply doesn't exist. Relative certainty, yes, at times does exist. But absolute certainty simply does not. We have no certainty that we will be here an hour from now; let alone next week or ten years from now. We have hopes and dreams and "best guesses," but none of that is absolute certainty.
Now, this may seem kind of depressing, right? Scary, too. But it's not meant to be. Life is an adventure, and a mystery that cannot be solved; because solving the mystery requires certainty, right?
And furthermore, what fun is a mystery if you know the answer? What fun is reading a book if you know the ending? The very flavor and depth of the experience -- of reading that book -- is the freshness of it; is the fact that, on every page, there isn't a little summary at the bottom that tells you how the book will end. It's an adventure; it's a mystery.
Let go of the need for certainty in a world where it does not exist. Instead, accept the fact that life is an adventure -- an invitation to experience. Sometimes it's energizing, sometimes it's depressing. Sometimes it has laughter; other times, tears. Sometimes silence, other times noise.
Accept it all, and embrace life as an adventure. Because that's what it is.
Unfortunately, certainty in life really doesn't exist. It's not that it "shouldn't" exist or "should" exist -- I'm not saying either of those things. It simply doesn't exist. Relative certainty, yes, at times does exist. But absolute certainty simply does not. We have no certainty that we will be here an hour from now; let alone next week or ten years from now. We have hopes and dreams and "best guesses," but none of that is absolute certainty.
Now, this may seem kind of depressing, right? Scary, too. But it's not meant to be. Life is an adventure, and a mystery that cannot be solved; because solving the mystery requires certainty, right?
And furthermore, what fun is a mystery if you know the answer? What fun is reading a book if you know the ending? The very flavor and depth of the experience -- of reading that book -- is the freshness of it; is the fact that, on every page, there isn't a little summary at the bottom that tells you how the book will end. It's an adventure; it's a mystery.
Let go of the need for certainty in a world where it does not exist. Instead, accept the fact that life is an adventure -- an invitation to experience. Sometimes it's energizing, sometimes it's depressing. Sometimes it has laughter; other times, tears. Sometimes silence, other times noise.
Accept it all, and embrace life as an adventure. Because that's what it is.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Circles
I don't have proof of this -- I don't think it can be proved, really -- but my gut feeling is that the universe's favorite shape is a circle. Not a triangle, not a square, not a rhombus (though that is a fun word to say...rhombus..), but a circle.
Have you noticed? Things happen in circles; in cycles. Both in the BIG sense -- such as historical cycles or business cycles -- but in the personal sense, too.
Take some time today and for the next little while paying attention to the circles and cycles in your life; don't judge them or evaluate them, just try and notice them. Are certain problems emerging with regularity? Are you reacting in a way that compels you to live in a kind of routine; one that you don't want?
Then the trick is to go into a different circle; one that leads you to inspiration, to compassion, and to peace (remember, if you are peaceful, you will make others peaceful as a by-product; if you aren't peaceful than you CANNOT make anyone peaceful, either -- you cannot give to others what you don't have, and if you don't have peace how can you make others peaceful?)
Notice your cycles; your patterns; your circles. And then create new ones!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Beware what you HATE
We're often reminded that we become what we love. This is true. However, there's another side of this that we should all be very aware of: we also become what we HATE.
Indeed, mystics through the ages have sagely advised us to be very careful of what we hate; because we will be defined by what we hate, as much as by what we love.
I realize that this may sound a bit scary -- but it's not meant to be. It's actually very simple and easy to grasp. When we hate something, we may have perfectly legitimate reasons for that hatred -- we may be 100% "justified" in our hatred. But that hatred is still a form of attraction; a negative one, yes, but attraction still.
This is why many people invariably start to mirror those that they hate; they end up doing many of the same things that those that they hate have done to them. It's not out of choice; it's because that groove of attention has been developed for years and years.
It sounds impossible, at times, to simply let go of hate; there are those around us who seem absolutely worthy of as much hate as we can offer. And so the very idea that we shouldn't hate these people -- the monsters among us -- is advice that most of us cannot accept. It also may suggest, to some, that we shouldn't even care about it; as if it's "okay" for someone to harm you or others; after all, if you don't or can't hate them, then isn't it like saying that it's "okay" that they're acting that way?
No. That's the misunderstanding worth avoiding. When you hate someone, you pollute your inner space with that hatred; and it starts to invade you, in a spiritual sense, from the inside. Hating others is harmful to you; it drains you of your life energy and fills you with toxic sludge that offers you no energy, no momentum.
I'm not saying that, instantly, you must stop hating those that have harmed you, are harming others, or are simply walking, talking, breathing, monsters.
I'm saying that your hate is going to harm YOU more than it harms them; the hate will erode you, like rust -- and it will not, in fact, have any impact on the other. Why should it?
The absolute BEST way that you can handle your hatred of another is to turn it into a spiritual exercise. The other -- the object of your hatred -- is giving you an opportunity to be more aware; to watch your inner space. The other is a trigger; a catalyst. Now it's up to you: if you react, you simply hate -- and you waste the opportunity. But if you watch with alertness and grasp the spaciousness around your hate, then you begin to go beyond it -- and you leave, in your wake, the person who is worthy of your hate.
When you hate someone, use it as an opportunity to go beyond hate. Don't repress it, don't reject it, don't try and hide it away in the basement of your soul. Watch it with alertness; with conscious spaciousness. Turn it into your meditation.
Reality is the best meditation.
Indeed, mystics through the ages have sagely advised us to be very careful of what we hate; because we will be defined by what we hate, as much as by what we love.
I realize that this may sound a bit scary -- but it's not meant to be. It's actually very simple and easy to grasp. When we hate something, we may have perfectly legitimate reasons for that hatred -- we may be 100% "justified" in our hatred. But that hatred is still a form of attraction; a negative one, yes, but attraction still.
This is why many people invariably start to mirror those that they hate; they end up doing many of the same things that those that they hate have done to them. It's not out of choice; it's because that groove of attention has been developed for years and years.
It sounds impossible, at times, to simply let go of hate; there are those around us who seem absolutely worthy of as much hate as we can offer. And so the very idea that we shouldn't hate these people -- the monsters among us -- is advice that most of us cannot accept. It also may suggest, to some, that we shouldn't even care about it; as if it's "okay" for someone to harm you or others; after all, if you don't or can't hate them, then isn't it like saying that it's "okay" that they're acting that way?
No. That's the misunderstanding worth avoiding. When you hate someone, you pollute your inner space with that hatred; and it starts to invade you, in a spiritual sense, from the inside. Hating others is harmful to you; it drains you of your life energy and fills you with toxic sludge that offers you no energy, no momentum.
I'm not saying that, instantly, you must stop hating those that have harmed you, are harming others, or are simply walking, talking, breathing, monsters.
I'm saying that your hate is going to harm YOU more than it harms them; the hate will erode you, like rust -- and it will not, in fact, have any impact on the other. Why should it?
The absolute BEST way that you can handle your hatred of another is to turn it into a spiritual exercise. The other -- the object of your hatred -- is giving you an opportunity to be more aware; to watch your inner space. The other is a trigger; a catalyst. Now it's up to you: if you react, you simply hate -- and you waste the opportunity. But if you watch with alertness and grasp the spaciousness around your hate, then you begin to go beyond it -- and you leave, in your wake, the person who is worthy of your hate.
When you hate someone, use it as an opportunity to go beyond hate. Don't repress it, don't reject it, don't try and hide it away in the basement of your soul. Watch it with alertness; with conscious spaciousness. Turn it into your meditation.
Reality is the best meditation.
The Power of Positive Feeling
The idea of positive thinking has been around for a long time, and in "popular culture" for well over a few decades. And yet, however, many people find that positive thinking is not...well, it's not working.
It's not that people are incessantly negative. It's that positive thinking takes effort; it's kind of like keeping a constant eye on something or someone. As long as you're paying attention, it's fine. But forget for a moment -- slip into unawareness or unconsciousness -- and all can be lost.
This in itself -- losing consciousness or awareness -- is not a problem, really; it's that if you are a "positive thinker" and identify as such, you will certainly start to feel ashamed and guilty when you aren't thinking positively.
In other words, a chronically miserable person doesn't worry at all if they're being miserable; it's just how they are. But someone who is "committed" to positive thinking is surely going to feel weak, flawed, incapable, and very upset with him or herself if that positive thinking falls below a certain expectation.
Ironically, the "peak" of positive thinking can descend into the "valley" of self-condemnation; people can start berating themselves for not being positive enough. And that leads to more misery. It's a vicious cycle, and one that many, many positive thinking people fall into over and over. Their intentions are wonderful; but their method has some challenges.
The thing is, positive thinking is not possible. Thinking is language; without language, there is no thinking. And language is always dualistic by nature -- it has to be. "Happy" in itself has no intrinsic meaning, unless you also understand "sad." "Success" means nothing to someone unless that person also understands "failure." And because of this dualism, a positive thinking person is, on a very very very subtle level, also a negative thinking person; because you cannot simply "think positive" and nothing else. Language has two wings: the positive definition of something and its antonym; it's opposite.
So what is possible? Positive feeling.
Your heart is not dualistic; it doesn't need language to communicate. It simply is -- authentic, pure, trusting. When you move the energy from your head (thinking) to your heart (feeling), you give momentum to the intrinsic non-language of your heart, which is feeling.
At first, it will seem strange -- so take small steps. Bring more power to your heart, and start to grasp to integrity that comes from positive feeling; and by "positive" I don't mean GOOD, I mean real.
In the language of spirituality, what is REAL is good.
It's not that people are incessantly negative. It's that positive thinking takes effort; it's kind of like keeping a constant eye on something or someone. As long as you're paying attention, it's fine. But forget for a moment -- slip into unawareness or unconsciousness -- and all can be lost.
This in itself -- losing consciousness or awareness -- is not a problem, really; it's that if you are a "positive thinker" and identify as such, you will certainly start to feel ashamed and guilty when you aren't thinking positively.
In other words, a chronically miserable person doesn't worry at all if they're being miserable; it's just how they are. But someone who is "committed" to positive thinking is surely going to feel weak, flawed, incapable, and very upset with him or herself if that positive thinking falls below a certain expectation.
Ironically, the "peak" of positive thinking can descend into the "valley" of self-condemnation; people can start berating themselves for not being positive enough. And that leads to more misery. It's a vicious cycle, and one that many, many positive thinking people fall into over and over. Their intentions are wonderful; but their method has some challenges.
The thing is, positive thinking is not possible. Thinking is language; without language, there is no thinking. And language is always dualistic by nature -- it has to be. "Happy" in itself has no intrinsic meaning, unless you also understand "sad." "Success" means nothing to someone unless that person also understands "failure." And because of this dualism, a positive thinking person is, on a very very very subtle level, also a negative thinking person; because you cannot simply "think positive" and nothing else. Language has two wings: the positive definition of something and its antonym; it's opposite.
So what is possible? Positive feeling.
Your heart is not dualistic; it doesn't need language to communicate. It simply is -- authentic, pure, trusting. When you move the energy from your head (thinking) to your heart (feeling), you give momentum to the intrinsic non-language of your heart, which is feeling.
At first, it will seem strange -- so take small steps. Bring more power to your heart, and start to grasp to integrity that comes from positive feeling; and by "positive" I don't mean GOOD, I mean real.
In the language of spirituality, what is REAL is good.
Friday, June 6, 2008
The MORE of Ego
It's difficult for many of us to grasp the essence of the ego, because, as I've mentioned in here several times, in the English language the meaning of the word ego has changed significantly over the last few decades. It's no longer a clinical psychological concept, but instead, a critical term used to describe someone who is arrogant, or boastful, or excessively proud -- someone who is an egotist.However, the ego is by no means limited to those who show-off all the time. The language of the ego is more subtle than this, and can be captured by a single word that we all understand: more.
The ego is always driven by more. It can be more money, more power, more fame, more anything. It can be more virtue, more character, more idealism -- and on.
But that compels us to ask: why does the ego always crave MORE?
The reason for this is simple: the ego does not exist. It seems to exist -- it's like a well in the ground that seems to have a bottom. And so it makes promises, to you, that go a little something like this: if you get a little more [something], I'll relax and be happy.
And so many people -- most people, at least in the western world and increasingly the eastern world -- do all kinds of harmful, stressful, and very strange things with their LIMITED TIME on this planet, in order to satisfy this bargain; in order to give the ego that "little more" that it promises will be enough.
But...it's never enough. This is why wealthy people almost always seem very...well, they seem very tense, don't they? You'd think, really, that it would be the other way around, right? That these folks don't have to worry about money -- they could live comfortably for hundreds of years -- but they don't seem happy; not if you really look into their eyes, listen to their stories, and just watch how they behave.
Why not? Why aren't they happy? Because they have the same delusional ego as before -- the same ego that said "$10000 is enough" is now saying "$1 million" is enough, and then it will say "$10 million will be enough" -- there is no end to the enough, because the ego is always craving MORE. It exists through that craving -- and only through that craving.
Ego is like the heat that is generated from friction -- without the friction; without different surfaces rubbing up against each other generating heat, there is no heat.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't do things in your life to increase things that matter to you. By all means, make more money. Get more health. Have better relationships. Get a better house, increase your knowledge, and do all of that. Life is an adventure! But if you do any of these things with the notion that it will make you complete -- which is the empty promise of the ego -- then you will simply suffer. Yes, you may suffer in a nicer house, with better health, and with better relationships -- but you will still suffer.
The ladder of the ego has no top rung -- there is never a top rung, because there is no ladder. The ego is a treadmill -- a wheel inside a hamster's cage. It seems to be going forward, but it goes nowhere. That is the delusion -- the illusion of it all. And that is why wonderful people waste their entire lives trying to "get more" -- when the realize, after a long life of doing this, that they are EXACTLY where they started -- but have wasted 40, 50, 60+ years -- the dismay and despair is incomprehensible. It is beyond pathetic to look into the face of an elderly person who comes to the dramatic realization that there is no end to the needs of the ego.
There is only one antidote known to the excessive needs of the ego, and that is meditation. Meditation is a mechanism -- and yes, it is a mechanism -- to increase your consciousness; your awareness. That is real.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
The Razor's Edge
A metaphor that many mystics have used to describe the state of present moment awareness is "the razor's edge." And quite frankly, at first glance, this seems to be a rather...well, it's a kind of scary thing to envision, isn't it?
I mean, wouldn't a soft, fluffy cloud or gentle meadow in spring seem to be a more pleasant image? A razor's edge seems rather daunting; almost threatening in a way. It implies that if we fall from the slender tight-rope of the razor's edge, we'll slice ourselves apart!
I honestly don't think that the mystics intended to conjure up this scary aspect of the metaphor; I feel that they just wanted to pick something that was very, very thin -- and in "those days" a razor's edge was something most people could relate to.
So in light of this, we can focus on the thin-ness of a razor's edge, rather than the sliced consequences of falling off of one!
Reflecting on the thin-ness of a razor's edge helps us understand that, in life, we are called to awareness at all times. We are invited to walk upon the edge of awareness -- to arrive in the present moment -- at EVERY time. And that means right now.
Imagine, for example, that God -- or whoever you want to say 'created' the universe -- was sitting RIGHT next to you as you read this. Or, if you aren't comfortable with imagining God sitting next to you, think of someone who you have an immense amount of respect and admiration for -- perhaps a mystic or spiritual teacher, or anyone -- even someone historical. Imagine that they were sitting right beside you right now.
Obviously, if that were to happen -- something inside you would change. You would not be worrying about tomorrow or yesterday; you would not be focused on some other "moment" -- you would be totally present, because you were with someone that you, in the simplest terms, want to be present to. After all, they may leave in a few minutes -- so you give them your full attention and honor the moment with all of your heart.
That is every moment for the mystics on the razor's edge. To them, they are always in that state -- always present. They aren't waiting for some event to happen tomorrow, to which they'll "wake up to." They're present now, because now is all that there is.
Are you present now?
If not...why not?
I mean, wouldn't a soft, fluffy cloud or gentle meadow in spring seem to be a more pleasant image? A razor's edge seems rather daunting; almost threatening in a way. It implies that if we fall from the slender tight-rope of the razor's edge, we'll slice ourselves apart!
I honestly don't think that the mystics intended to conjure up this scary aspect of the metaphor; I feel that they just wanted to pick something that was very, very thin -- and in "those days" a razor's edge was something most people could relate to.
So in light of this, we can focus on the thin-ness of a razor's edge, rather than the sliced consequences of falling off of one!
Reflecting on the thin-ness of a razor's edge helps us understand that, in life, we are called to awareness at all times. We are invited to walk upon the edge of awareness -- to arrive in the present moment -- at EVERY time. And that means right now.
Imagine, for example, that God -- or whoever you want to say 'created' the universe -- was sitting RIGHT next to you as you read this. Or, if you aren't comfortable with imagining God sitting next to you, think of someone who you have an immense amount of respect and admiration for -- perhaps a mystic or spiritual teacher, or anyone -- even someone historical. Imagine that they were sitting right beside you right now.
Obviously, if that were to happen -- something inside you would change. You would not be worrying about tomorrow or yesterday; you would not be focused on some other "moment" -- you would be totally present, because you were with someone that you, in the simplest terms, want to be present to. After all, they may leave in a few minutes -- so you give them your full attention and honor the moment with all of your heart.
That is every moment for the mystics on the razor's edge. To them, they are always in that state -- always present. They aren't waiting for some event to happen tomorrow, to which they'll "wake up to." They're present now, because now is all that there is.
Are you present now?
If not...why not?
Re-Live Your Life...
In his remarkable book, "Man's Search for Meaning," Viktor Frankl advises readers to do a little technique that seems very small, but can have enormously positive impacts on your life.
He suggests that, when you approach a situation that may otherwise "cause" you to act in a habitually counter-productive, unaware or simply harmful way, that you simply tell yourself that this is actually not the first time you're encountering this situation (whatever it is), but the second time -- and this is your chance to not make the same mistake you did the first time.
What this little technique does -- with surprising simplicity and effectiveness -- is bring space into your life -- between you and the situations that you face. By pausing to view a situation "as if you were doing it for the second time, but this time, will not make the same mistake again," you bring awareness into what you're doing. You separate yourself from the mood, compulsion or emotion that is driving you towards an unconscious act. And by that separation -- that space that emerges between the REAL you (the one that acts) and UNREAL you (the one that REacts), you can very often --if not always -- choose the action that is in harmony with your true self: the one that is authentic and essentially joyous and inspired.
Try it and let me know how it works for you!
He suggests that, when you approach a situation that may otherwise "cause" you to act in a habitually counter-productive, unaware or simply harmful way, that you simply tell yourself that this is actually not the first time you're encountering this situation (whatever it is), but the second time -- and this is your chance to not make the same mistake you did the first time.
What this little technique does -- with surprising simplicity and effectiveness -- is bring space into your life -- between you and the situations that you face. By pausing to view a situation "as if you were doing it for the second time, but this time, will not make the same mistake again," you bring awareness into what you're doing. You separate yourself from the mood, compulsion or emotion that is driving you towards an unconscious act. And by that separation -- that space that emerges between the REAL you (the one that acts) and UNREAL you (the one that REacts), you can very often --if not always -- choose the action that is in harmony with your true self: the one that is authentic and essentially joyous and inspired.
Try it and let me know how it works for you!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
The REAL Secret
Here's a (non) news flash: I like "The Secret." In fact, I like it so much, that I encourage as many people as I can to see it. And -- as many of you know -- I even sell it from one of my other websites (http://www.the-secret-dvd.net/).
So, again: I like The Secret.
And more than mere liking, I'm very grateful to The Secret for helping bring ideas and concepts into the "mainstream" that otherwise were being ignored. Yes, it goes without saying that nothing in The Secret is actually new information. But what is new is that people who otherwise wouldn't come close to anything remotely "new age" or "metaphysical" are, indeed, talking and thinking and even experimenting about the ideas, lessons, concepts in The Secret. I consider all of this to be VERY GOOD NEWS and am glad that it's happening. Indeed, when polished, professional, successful and credible business people talk about "new age" -- more people listen. That's just how it is.
But while I like and am grateful to The Secret, I'm also of the opinion that there is actually a deeper secret behind The Secret that, quite possibly, many of the people very closely connected to The Secret don't know -- or, maybe, don't talk about as much as they should.
It's about acceptance.
The real energy behind The Secret is not, in my view, about visualizing a better reality -- one where you have a better job, or a nicer car, or whatever else you may have on a "dream board." The real mechanism of The Secret is to get you to somehow stop fighting with your present reality. And yes, one way for you to do that is to simply have you envision something better.
It's not, however, the most efficient way.
It's a bit like this:
You may have a child at home who -- like many other children -- hates to eat fruits and vegetables. And yet, you know that fruits and vegetables are essential to the child's health and well being. Furthermore, you'd really like to somehow help your child create a healthy habit of (sometimes) eating fruits and vegetables.
"Ideally" you'd simply like to talk to your child and help them understand. But that's not realistic, right? So you create a story of some kind -- something that helps the child eat their fruits and vegetables. They receive the benefit in terms of health, and eventually, you hope that they "figure it out" on their own so that when they make their own eating choices as they get older, they choose fruits and vegetables, sometimes, over other non-healthy snacks.
That "story" you told your child was helpful -- it was needed; there was no other way. It was simply unrealistic to expect your child to see things the way that they might 10, 20 or 30 years "from now" -- one where a doctor is saying: eat more fruits and vegetables to stay healthy!
Yet while the story was helpful -- it "did the job" -- it's simply not the most efficient way. The most efficient way is always a straight line (a lesson from math that applies here as well), and by taking things through a "story" there is some momentum that is lost; some effectiveness falls through. Instead of eating, say, 4-5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, a child "following a story" may each 4-5 servings a week. That's still better than NO servings a week, but it's not as great as 4-5 servings a day/28-35 servings a week.
So that difference between 28/35 servings and 4/5 servings is the "difference" that a story makes. It diminishes things. It slows things down. Yes, things are still headed in the right direction -- and that's great. But not as rapid as it could be.
When you "envision" something you remove yourself from the present moment; and that is simply an inefficient thing to do, because the present moment is all you have to work with. And so the very idea of envisioning is, in essence, an inefficient thing to do with your time. You are much, much, MUCH better off accepting reality as it is -- not as you want it to be, not as it "should be" and not as it "could be" if someone else would only do this, or if a certain situation would change.
But getting people to accept reality as it is, is not easy -- and in many cases, not practical. We are accustomed, culturally, to not accept reality -- that very "habit" is ingrained in us as children. We are always either dwelling on the past or projecting into the future. And so if The Secret or some other teaching tried to "get you to just accept the present," it likely wouldn't work for most people -- not because the teaching is wrong, but because the lesson is too difficult.
Look, for example, at the difference between pre-Oprah Eckhart Tolle and the Secret DVD. Before Oprah endorsed Eckhart's first book, The Power of Now, he wasn't selling anything. In fact, he was hand-placing copies of his book in little stores in Vancouver Canada. I believe, in fact, that he had 3000 copies created on a small press, and was unable to sell them (I could be wrong about the exact figure, but even if it's 5000 or 10000, the point is the same).
Compare this to The Secret, which sold millions and continues to do extremely well in all forms, including the amazing wealth of "secondary markets" that it has generated: speakers, workshops, books, you name it.
What Tolle was saying in "The Power of Now" was, actually, the most efficient method of achieving real change: accept the now. But, again, the message was too direct; too harsh for most people to accept.
So The Secret came by and helped people "accept the now" -- in a less efficient form -- by envisioning something better. By envisioning -- by the mere act of not resisting the now -- people started to RELAX. And by relaxing -- and NOT by anything else -- things started to open up. Fresh new possibilities emerged through that relaxation.
Of course...this has created a problem, too. It's that many people who experienced some real benefits thanks to The Secret -- because it indirectly enabled them to RELAX into the now -- don't know why they experienced those benefits. They think it's because of the envisioning; and hence, they start to become tense because what they envision "isn't happening" anymore. The irony of this shouldn't be lost on anyone: it was the "relaxing" that made the progress and positive change happen in the first place, but without awareness of this fact, tension sets in an serves to suffocate and stall that same progress and positive change from happening.
And so many people, I believe, are confused right now: they experienced pleasant growth and change "before" but now they don't see much happening at all. And so they think that they aren't "envisioning" well enough.
That's not it. It was never, actually about the envisioning in the first place.
It was about RELAXING so that you can ACCEPT THE PRESENT MOMENT.
That is the real secret behind The Secret -- to accept the now.
If you can do that, you don't "need" The Secret anymore; you become The Secret.
So, again: I like The Secret.
And more than mere liking, I'm very grateful to The Secret for helping bring ideas and concepts into the "mainstream" that otherwise were being ignored. Yes, it goes without saying that nothing in The Secret is actually new information. But what is new is that people who otherwise wouldn't come close to anything remotely "new age" or "metaphysical" are, indeed, talking and thinking and even experimenting about the ideas, lessons, concepts in The Secret. I consider all of this to be VERY GOOD NEWS and am glad that it's happening. Indeed, when polished, professional, successful and credible business people talk about "new age" -- more people listen. That's just how it is.
But while I like and am grateful to The Secret, I'm also of the opinion that there is actually a deeper secret behind The Secret that, quite possibly, many of the people very closely connected to The Secret don't know -- or, maybe, don't talk about as much as they should.
It's about acceptance.
The real energy behind The Secret is not, in my view, about visualizing a better reality -- one where you have a better job, or a nicer car, or whatever else you may have on a "dream board." The real mechanism of The Secret is to get you to somehow stop fighting with your present reality. And yes, one way for you to do that is to simply have you envision something better.
It's not, however, the most efficient way.
It's a bit like this:
You may have a child at home who -- like many other children -- hates to eat fruits and vegetables. And yet, you know that fruits and vegetables are essential to the child's health and well being. Furthermore, you'd really like to somehow help your child create a healthy habit of (sometimes) eating fruits and vegetables.
"Ideally" you'd simply like to talk to your child and help them understand. But that's not realistic, right? So you create a story of some kind -- something that helps the child eat their fruits and vegetables. They receive the benefit in terms of health, and eventually, you hope that they "figure it out" on their own so that when they make their own eating choices as they get older, they choose fruits and vegetables, sometimes, over other non-healthy snacks.
That "story" you told your child was helpful -- it was needed; there was no other way. It was simply unrealistic to expect your child to see things the way that they might 10, 20 or 30 years "from now" -- one where a doctor is saying: eat more fruits and vegetables to stay healthy!
Yet while the story was helpful -- it "did the job" -- it's simply not the most efficient way. The most efficient way is always a straight line (a lesson from math that applies here as well), and by taking things through a "story" there is some momentum that is lost; some effectiveness falls through. Instead of eating, say, 4-5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, a child "following a story" may each 4-5 servings a week. That's still better than NO servings a week, but it's not as great as 4-5 servings a day/28-35 servings a week.
So that difference between 28/35 servings and 4/5 servings is the "difference" that a story makes. It diminishes things. It slows things down. Yes, things are still headed in the right direction -- and that's great. But not as rapid as it could be.
When you "envision" something you remove yourself from the present moment; and that is simply an inefficient thing to do, because the present moment is all you have to work with. And so the very idea of envisioning is, in essence, an inefficient thing to do with your time. You are much, much, MUCH better off accepting reality as it is -- not as you want it to be, not as it "should be" and not as it "could be" if someone else would only do this, or if a certain situation would change.
But getting people to accept reality as it is, is not easy -- and in many cases, not practical. We are accustomed, culturally, to not accept reality -- that very "habit" is ingrained in us as children. We are always either dwelling on the past or projecting into the future. And so if The Secret or some other teaching tried to "get you to just accept the present," it likely wouldn't work for most people -- not because the teaching is wrong, but because the lesson is too difficult.
Look, for example, at the difference between pre-Oprah Eckhart Tolle and the Secret DVD. Before Oprah endorsed Eckhart's first book, The Power of Now, he wasn't selling anything. In fact, he was hand-placing copies of his book in little stores in Vancouver Canada. I believe, in fact, that he had 3000 copies created on a small press, and was unable to sell them (I could be wrong about the exact figure, but even if it's 5000 or 10000, the point is the same).
Compare this to The Secret, which sold millions and continues to do extremely well in all forms, including the amazing wealth of "secondary markets" that it has generated: speakers, workshops, books, you name it.
What Tolle was saying in "The Power of Now" was, actually, the most efficient method of achieving real change: accept the now. But, again, the message was too direct; too harsh for most people to accept.
So The Secret came by and helped people "accept the now" -- in a less efficient form -- by envisioning something better. By envisioning -- by the mere act of not resisting the now -- people started to RELAX. And by relaxing -- and NOT by anything else -- things started to open up. Fresh new possibilities emerged through that relaxation.
Of course...this has created a problem, too. It's that many people who experienced some real benefits thanks to The Secret -- because it indirectly enabled them to RELAX into the now -- don't know why they experienced those benefits. They think it's because of the envisioning; and hence, they start to become tense because what they envision "isn't happening" anymore. The irony of this shouldn't be lost on anyone: it was the "relaxing" that made the progress and positive change happen in the first place, but without awareness of this fact, tension sets in an serves to suffocate and stall that same progress and positive change from happening.
And so many people, I believe, are confused right now: they experienced pleasant growth and change "before" but now they don't see much happening at all. And so they think that they aren't "envisioning" well enough.
That's not it. It was never, actually about the envisioning in the first place.
It was about RELAXING so that you can ACCEPT THE PRESENT MOMENT.
That is the real secret behind The Secret -- to accept the now.
If you can do that, you don't "need" The Secret anymore; you become The Secret.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Who's Game are You Playing?
While I enjoy posting on all kinds of different "self-help" things, today's post is, if I may say so myself, of particular value and so I'd encourage you to read it, re-read it, re-read it again, and share and discuss it with others. By all means, introduce your own interpretations and insights -- that is wonderful. But I'd really like to see the "idea" of today's post make it through to some people because, again, I feel that it's one of the most valuable that have appeared here so far.
It's about game playing.
Now, let's start by saying that when I use the word "game," I don't mean silly or immature -- I mean in the "cosmic playfulness" kind of way; in the sense that, yes, in many ways, life is a game -- and this is fine. There's nothing wrong with this, and it doesn't by any means detract or belittle the authentic sadness and suffering that many of us have felt and will feel again. I'm not diminishing any of these true, very human emotions by saying that life is a game. I'm simply suggesting that, much as how a game can invoke a wide spectrum of emotions -- from elation to despair -- so can life.
Now, the next step here is to make what I don't actually like making if I can help it: a sports analogy. I respect that some people have no interest in sports, and in fact, some people just plain dislike them. And so by making a sports analogy, I may risk alienating or offending those people. If you happen to resist sports analogies for any reason, I ask you to please just give me a few seconds. This isn't about sports, but sports is, I'm guessing, the widest possible experience that most people reading this will be able to access. And as you'll see, I won't even go into the details of any sport -- so even if you believe you "know nothing" about sports, you will still clearly understand the point.
Okay...
We realize that sports is a game. But there are "games within the game," and that is the type of game that each individual or team plays. Indeed, individuals -- say, tennis players -- have certain strengths; certain preferred ways to play and succeed. So do teams -- say, basketball teams.
For example, a tennis player who is gifted with tremendous stamina and strength will try and play a "game" of tennis that plays to those gifts; hence, the "game" played by that tennis player will be an aggressive, high-tempo, powerful game. On the other hand, a tennis player who is more of a methodical, finesse player will try and do the opposite: a slow, well-planned game that tries to "force" the opponent into playing a certain style.
As you can see, both these tennis players are playing a game -- called tennis. But within that game of tennis, each individual has his or her unique game -- and that game plays to their strengths, and avoids their weaknesses.
And if you dislike tennis, you can think of a team sport -- basketball is a good example (and is a popular sport, so hopefully you don't hate it!). A basketball team may be built for speed and hence the "game" it opts to play is one that races up and down the court and pretty much out-runs the opponent. On the other hand, a basketball team may be built for size, and may simply try and out-muscle another team.
As you can see (hopefully), there are always games within games and the individuals or teams that win are, almost always, the ones that "compel" the other individual/team to play their non-preferred game. Indeed, it's not always the case that player "A" was so much better than player "B". Both players may be wonderful in their own way. It's that player "A" compelled player "B" to play player "A"'s game.
Are you still with me? Good!
Life, we can say, is a game. Just like tennis or basketball.
And, again, like tennis and basketball, there are games within games.
YOU have a "preferred game" in your game of life. And other people that you meet have their preferred game.
Many times -- and I mean many times -- you will face a situation where someone wants you to play their game, because, just like a tennis player or basketball team, that is their strength. They want to pull you out of your game and into theirs.
And, indeed, we can all recall vivid examples where we've done this -- we've stepped out of our game -- and we've suffered immensely as a result. And in reflection, days, weeks or years later, we can only quietly say to ourselves: I wasn't being myself. And another way of saying this is simply that you weren't playing your game; you were playing someone else's.
If you want to walk on the self-help path, then yes, it's a game -- just like any other game. And there are rules of this game (again, like any other game). For example, you can't manipulate people. You can't abuse people (I don't mean "legally abuse" them which you can't do anyway, but I mean the legal kind -- the kind that you can justify and get away with). You can't lie. And you can't inspire and invoke fear in people for the sake of manipulating or controlling them.
Again, there are rules to self-help -- just like any other game.
Throughout your life, as you play the self-help game, people will want to make you play their game -- a game of needless conflict, of domination, of manipulation, of fear-mongering, of hatred, and maybe even of violence.
Your performance in your game will be determined by your ability to play your game and not to play someone else's -- someone who is pulling you off the path that you're on.
It's a lifelong effort, and you will be tested. But remember: if you're going to play the game of life, you might as well do it well, right?
It's about game playing.
Now, let's start by saying that when I use the word "game," I don't mean silly or immature -- I mean in the "cosmic playfulness" kind of way; in the sense that, yes, in many ways, life is a game -- and this is fine. There's nothing wrong with this, and it doesn't by any means detract or belittle the authentic sadness and suffering that many of us have felt and will feel again. I'm not diminishing any of these true, very human emotions by saying that life is a game. I'm simply suggesting that, much as how a game can invoke a wide spectrum of emotions -- from elation to despair -- so can life.
Now, the next step here is to make what I don't actually like making if I can help it: a sports analogy. I respect that some people have no interest in sports, and in fact, some people just plain dislike them. And so by making a sports analogy, I may risk alienating or offending those people. If you happen to resist sports analogies for any reason, I ask you to please just give me a few seconds. This isn't about sports, but sports is, I'm guessing, the widest possible experience that most people reading this will be able to access. And as you'll see, I won't even go into the details of any sport -- so even if you believe you "know nothing" about sports, you will still clearly understand the point.
Okay...
We realize that sports is a game. But there are "games within the game," and that is the type of game that each individual or team plays. Indeed, individuals -- say, tennis players -- have certain strengths; certain preferred ways to play and succeed. So do teams -- say, basketball teams.
For example, a tennis player who is gifted with tremendous stamina and strength will try and play a "game" of tennis that plays to those gifts; hence, the "game" played by that tennis player will be an aggressive, high-tempo, powerful game. On the other hand, a tennis player who is more of a methodical, finesse player will try and do the opposite: a slow, well-planned game that tries to "force" the opponent into playing a certain style.
As you can see, both these tennis players are playing a game -- called tennis. But within that game of tennis, each individual has his or her unique game -- and that game plays to their strengths, and avoids their weaknesses.
And if you dislike tennis, you can think of a team sport -- basketball is a good example (and is a popular sport, so hopefully you don't hate it!). A basketball team may be built for speed and hence the "game" it opts to play is one that races up and down the court and pretty much out-runs the opponent. On the other hand, a basketball team may be built for size, and may simply try and out-muscle another team.
As you can see (hopefully), there are always games within games and the individuals or teams that win are, almost always, the ones that "compel" the other individual/team to play their non-preferred game. Indeed, it's not always the case that player "A" was so much better than player "B". Both players may be wonderful in their own way. It's that player "A" compelled player "B" to play player "A"'s game.
Are you still with me? Good!
Life, we can say, is a game. Just like tennis or basketball.
And, again, like tennis and basketball, there are games within games.
YOU have a "preferred game" in your game of life. And other people that you meet have their preferred game.
Many times -- and I mean many times -- you will face a situation where someone wants you to play their game, because, just like a tennis player or basketball team, that is their strength. They want to pull you out of your game and into theirs.
And, indeed, we can all recall vivid examples where we've done this -- we've stepped out of our game -- and we've suffered immensely as a result. And in reflection, days, weeks or years later, we can only quietly say to ourselves: I wasn't being myself. And another way of saying this is simply that you weren't playing your game; you were playing someone else's.
If you want to walk on the self-help path, then yes, it's a game -- just like any other game. And there are rules of this game (again, like any other game). For example, you can't manipulate people. You can't abuse people (I don't mean "legally abuse" them which you can't do anyway, but I mean the legal kind -- the kind that you can justify and get away with). You can't lie. And you can't inspire and invoke fear in people for the sake of manipulating or controlling them.
Again, there are rules to self-help -- just like any other game.
Throughout your life, as you play the self-help game, people will want to make you play their game -- a game of needless conflict, of domination, of manipulation, of fear-mongering, of hatred, and maybe even of violence.
Your performance in your game will be determined by your ability to play your game and not to play someone else's -- someone who is pulling you off the path that you're on.
It's a lifelong effort, and you will be tested. But remember: if you're going to play the game of life, you might as well do it well, right?
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