Friday, May 30, 2008

Is there Space in Your Life for Success?

Hmmm...that's a weird question, isn't it? Is there space in your life for success?

You may automatically assume that the answer is an emphatic YES(!), but really take a quality moment and reflect on this. Is your life overflowing -- perhaps saturated -- with things that are simply not nourishing you spiritually and in many other ways?

If so, and if you really want success, you will have to create space in your life for it to happen. This doesn't necessarily mean "external space" -- though, sometimes, winding down a relationship or changing direction may actually be in order. Quite often, it's the inner space that needs to be reclaimed.

This, of course, is scary. Why? Because when you create inner space, you must let go of things that you know, and invite the unknown. And the unknown is...well, not known! And for many, many, MANY people, the fear of the unknown is more powerful than the misery and dread of the known.

And so, in many subtle ways, they cling to bad situations because they don't want to let go. They don't want to let the boat lose sight of the (miserable) shore.

If you want to really experience change in your life, then you must, sometimes, let go of the known and participate in the mystery of life. You must create room for success to happen -- and that room won't be created until you let go of some of your security. Yes, that security may be utterly miserable and indeed ruining your life, but it's still security.

Helen Keller said that life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.

If you want success, you must -- at the same time -- become more adventurous. Success and security do not walk together.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Ego Can't be Happy

Here's something pretty weird that, if you can somehow grasp and remember, there probably isn't much more that you'll ever have to know. This is enough.

The ego cannot be happy.

There. The end. Write that down somewhere and whenever you're unhappy, remember it -- and you'll eventually start to see (or maybe see right away, who knows?) that this is oddly and powerfully true.

Now, many of us will need some more time with this cryptic little statement -- the ego cannot be happy -- so let's take a few big steps back and take a look.

For starters, by "ego" I don't mean "egotistical" as in prideful or boastful. That is the conventional usage of the word ego, but it's certainly not the mystical one. In the most basic sense, the ego is any sense of separation from the whole. That sense of separation need not be boastful or prideful -- it need not be someone telling you how great they are. It can be the opposite, too: someone who is telling you how bad they are, or unworthy or even humble they are. Or, on an even more subtle level, it doesn't even have to require speaking at all. A person can just believe, inside, that they are separate -- good, bad, better, worse, smart, stupid, successful, failure -- in order to activate the ego.

The ego is the idea of separation. It is the very notion of having a separate agenda from the whole.

Think of your body.

Right now, look at your hands. Pick a finger; any finger.

Now, imagine that this finger that you're looking at "decided" that it was not merely a finger, but a completely separate entity.

How absurd is that? What would this finger do? Well, it would start to worry a lot, that's for sure -- because it's just one mere finger, and "survival" in this world needs other things: it needs other body parts. But the finger, believing that it's separate, lives in perpetual, ongoing fear.

That's what we are when we submerge ourselves in the idea of ego: we are in perpetual fear. We cannot not be in fear, because to identify with the ego is to identify with fear.

Why? Because the ego is not real, but think that it is. And because of this fundamental disconnect, the problems of the ego can never be solved. Yes, the ego thinks that it can solve them: some more money would be nice, a better spouse, nicer weather, whatever. But really, has it ever worked?

You have received SO many things in your life that you thought you wanted -- that your ego claimed it needed. Are you satisfied?

No. Not because you're excessively greedy. Because your ego is not real and as such you cannot satisfy something that doesn't exist. It's an empty hole. It will never be happy.

Success doesn't lead to happiness. Neither does failure. Winning doesn't work; and we know that losing doesn't either. Great relationships don't work (because they don't stay great), and no relationships is even worse (because we are bound to each other -- we are all relatives of each other).

Whatever you name will not work -- and you know from experience, that nothing has worked.

Not because you haven't tried.

But because it doesn't work.

Identification with the ego is a total commitment to misery.

The exit?

Stop identifying with your ego.

Start, instead, watching yourself as you do things. As you interact. As you reflect.

Discover a well of deep silence within that is your true self. This is your eternal witness. This is what you came into this life with. And if you start looking from these eyes, you'll realize that they don't age. They are the same eyes that you used as a small child.

Except now, as an adult, you can see the world again -- like T.S. Elliot says, for the very first time.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Success vs. Peace

Most people focus on success -- whether it's financial or otherwise. That seems to make sense, but really, if you look deeper -- and deeper still -- you'll notice something pretty strange.

People don't actually want success. What they want is the "stuff" that success can bring. And therefore, they simply figure that success will get them those things. Those things may be tangible -- a better house, a nicer car, a diamond necklace -- or it can be intangible things -- the experience of travelling to exotic locations, the "fun" of not having to work for an evil boss...and the list goes on.

But again, success is not actually the goal -- it is the means.

However, people regularly confuse the two! That's why successful people almost always -- if not ALWAYS -- discover that there is something very unpleasant about their "success" -- something missing.

What's missing is not the success. After all, success is there -- so that, obviously, can't be the "thing" that is missing.

What's missing is the peace that, "way back when," that success was supposed to lead towards.

But because this was forgotten, the success became and end unto itself. And that -- naturally -- compelled successful people to behave in unsuccessful ways. Oh sure, they may have increased their success on a superficial level, but on a spiritual or emotional or even plain old fashioned ethical level, they were not being successful at all.

Remember: you can follow the law of your country to the letter, but that in itself doesn't mean that you're following the spiritual laws of the universe. You can "legally cheat" your way to success by exploiting people, but hoarding information, by manipulating, by 100 of other things that are technically legal -- but they are against the laws of spirituality. And so, obviously -- patently -- a so-called "successful person" who has violated these laws will not under any circumstances enjoy their success. They can't -- it's not that they don't want to. They DESPERATELY want to, and they can't understand why, despite all of their success, they are profoundly miserable.

It's because they have forgotten that the real goal of it all was peace. Inner peace -- and then, as a by-product of that, outer peace, too.

When you forget the goal, you confuse the means with the end.

The measure of success is peace. Not the "peace at any price" kind of peace -- life will give you challenges, and sometimes, you will need to stand up confidently and boldly. You may need to take a stand -- defend a principle -- make a point -- right a wrong.

Peace doesn't mean non-action. Peace means acceptance of reality as it is; a harmony with nature itself. A intimate friendship with life.

Success that doesn't lead to peace -- that doesn't guide itself by the pole star of peace -- is never, ever going to work. And if you turn on the news, read the paper, or simply look out your window, you'll see that this is dramatically true.

We just don't want to believe it.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

All You Want is Love

The Beatles reminded us that all we need is love. True enough.

However, they could have just as effectively sung about the fact that all we want is love, too. Because this is just as true and, for many of us, just as...difficult to believe.

We're accustomed to believing that only those who "admit" that they want love -- the poets among us, in one form or another -- are those searching for elusive love, while "the rest" want something else. Some people want power. Others want acceptance. Some want security. Others want inspiration. Some want lots of money. Some want peace.

Well, guess what? All of those wants are simply not what you want. And that basic misunderstanding is probably responsible for more human misery than anything else -- because no matter what we achieve, unless we know that what we really want is love, we'll miss out on the satisfaction that those achievements promise to bring.

In other words: we set ourselves up to be miserable.

And because we still don't recognize that the very trajectory that we're on is fundamentally at odds with the real goal that we seek, and instead of stopping and realizing this, and changing course, we go even MORE into what we "think" is going to get us the love that we aren't aware that we want.

So, in other words: the power-seeking bully (whether it's in the corporation, at home or in the schoolyard makes no difference; a bully is a bully) is not actually after power or "safety" or survival. He, or she, is in search of love; and believes -- incorrectly -- that power, safety and in essence being a bully is going to get that love.

Of course, nobody CAN love a bully, right? Bullies aren't lovable :)

But, instead of seeing the basic fallacy of this -- that the bully is making him or herself less lovable, he or she goes even DEEPER into their bully-hood; because, obviously, the problem is "other people" right? They just don't appreciate strength, power, security...

Or if the bullies out there aren't already smashing their computer screens, we can pick on the knowledge-addicts; those people who are more interested in the acronyms after their name on a business card, then they are about the very people for whom, really, those acronyms are supposed to be in the service of. On the deepest level, the man or woman (or boy or girl) chasing knowledge -- for the sake of knowledge -- is not actually interested in knowledge. Oh yes, that's what they'll TELL you they care about, and it's even what they tell themselves, but if you really go deeeeeeeep into it, you'll see that there is a belief, inside the knowledge-addict, that more knowledge = more love from people.

Of course, just like the bully, the knowledge-addict doesn't "see" the fact that more knowledge, and more knowledge, and MORE knowledge invariably alienates them from people. They start holding "stupid people" in contempt (you can hear it in their tone when they speak to people, it's really ugly). And so instead of getting more love, they get LESS -- because they make people feel stupid (it's hard to love someone who makes you feel stupid :) And, again, because the knowledge-addict can't see the very mechanism at work here, they go DEEPER into their knowledge. They take another course. Get another degree. Read another book. They go FURTHER away from the love that they want, and the people that they want to be loved by.

We can go on...and we will!

The fun-seeking hedonists are also not going to be exempt from our gaze here, either. They jump from party to party, always telling people to look for silver linings and "the bright side of life." They delude others -- just as they delude themselves -- that they are optimistic and inspiring -- because they think that this is what will get them loved. However, in pursuit of focusing ONLY on what they think is the positive, they tend to create a lot of residual suffering for others -- kind of like the people who come to your house, have a big party, and then leave you to clean up all the mess :) Naturally, people don't like those kinds of people, and so don't really give them a lot of love. The fun-seekers don't see the link (just as the bully and knowledge-addict don't), and so they simply intensify their fun-seeking, leaving an even bigger trail of negativity in their wake -- which leads to less love from others.

Isn't this fun?

Then there are the morally righteous among us, who think that they want to be RIGHT about everything, but really, deeply, they want to be loved; and they think that being RIGHT will get them that love. Of course, you cannot be right unless you make other people wrong, and guess what? Yes, you guessed it: it's no fun loving someone who is always telling you that you're wrong! And so folks who are obsessed about being RIGHT (morally and in all other ways) simply position themselves to be very un-lovable. Of course, they don't see it that way -- they think that they just aren't being RIGHT enough (just as the bully doesn't think that he/she is being strong enough, the knowledge-addict doesn't think that he/she is being smart enough, and the hedonist doesn't think that he/she is being fun enough). So they just try and be MORE right, which means you become MORE wrong. This leads to less love.

And then...

There are, of course, the selfless among us who go around filling everyone's cup with water, and denying their own. This selflessness, however, is not about being selfless -- it's really, deeply, an effort to be loved by others. However, many people don't want their cup filled -- nor do they want to be obligated to someone who has given them something that they actually don't need, or want. But the selfless giver doesn't see things that way -- they don't see that they actually create needy people by being needlessly "selfless" -- and so they just go ahead and try and give MORE. And people take LESS when that happens, because they detect that all of these cups of water have strings attached ("love me or don't get any water").

Then...

There's the success-addict. The self-promoter who is more of a brand than a person. These people are all over the Internet, really (they're everywhere, but they seem to really love the Internet :). They think that being successful and accomplishing things will "win them" the love that they want. Of course, they don't see it in those terms -- they think that all they want is to achieve. They don't. They want what everyone wants: to be loved. However, to "win" at things means two things: 1) you must ALWAYS compete and 2) someone ALWAYS has to lose. Successful people create failure for people who, otherwise, wouldn't need to deal with it. And how can you love someone who creates so much failure? In fact, you start resenting people who do this -- you start avoiding them. When success-addicted people start to see this -- start to see that, despite all of their success, how much money they make, what they've achieved and so on -- doesn't win them praise but actually brings them criticism and condemnation, they typically become VERY BITTER and figure that it's just a bunch of "jealous losers" who couldn't succeed anyway. This is not true -- people simply don't like people who tell you why you must love them and admire them. People don't love a brand -- which is what most success-addicted people invariably become. And instead of seeing this, success-addicted people simply go deeper into their success-seeking, not realizing that with each new superficial encounter they are getting even further away from the love that they wanted in the first place.

And then there are the poets -- the special ones -- who figure that the only way to be loved is to be as different and unique as possible. Of course, they don't see it that way -- they don't see that it's about love -- they see that it's about being as un-ordinary as possible. And so they do weird, often quite stupid things to "be different" -- even if it means pointing out how ordinary YOU are as compared to them. Naturally, people don't like people who are implicitly telling them how boring and ordinary they are. The poets don't see this, however, and so go deeper into their "differentness" -- and further and further away from people!

Then there are the reliable loyalists who become so addicted to rules and regulations that they stop seeing the human beings that are often crushed by them. They believe that by following the rules and being obedient to authority, that this will give them love. Of course, they don't see it in those terms -- they don't see that it's about love. Unfortunately, rules are only as moral and ethical as the people or values behind them. Street gangs have rules -- and so do enlightened mystics. Merely following rules and upholding regulations, without reference to the intent or impact of those rules, can and often DOES lead to cruelty and harm. And people don't love people who harm them!

And lastly, there are the peacemakers who tell everyone that they are, well, at peace . Of course, that peace isn't real -- because it's being paid for by numbness. The peacemakers simply stop dealing with reality, and numb themselves to the challenges and issues around them -- anything that might disturb their peace is ignored and neglected. Of course, again, this is really about love: the peacemakers think that if you don't "bother" about reality, people will love you. But is that true? No -- reality simply doesn't support this "conclusion." Reality presents challenges and there is constant change -- that is the nature of reality. Peacemakers simply refuse to admit and accept those challenges, and that change. And so instead of being "loved" for their non-attachment to reality, people simply treat them like doormats; they stop being seen as people. You can't love a doormat; you can't love someone you don't respect, and peacemakers position themselves to be disrespected.

This may be a bit harsh, but life is short: you are almost certainly somewhere on this list above. You're likely doing something that you think is about anything BUT love, but really, it is about love because love is the very nature of your being, whether you "like it or not." It's not a choice. It's built into the very fabric of your being. You can't decide to not to be loving. You don't have a choice.

So why not simply accept it?

And then, once you do, you may find yourself saving a massive amount of time and energy -- because you'll know that what you really want is love. Always have, always will.

(Final note, the above overview of different 'types' is based on the teachings of the Enneagram.)

Monday, May 26, 2008

What are you Growing?

It's hard to remember sometimes that we, human beings, are natural. Yes, we can do unnatural things -- or maybe "artificial things" is a better, less hostile way to put it :) -- but regardless of how we act sometimes, the truth that we're natural is something that can't be denied. Forgotten, avoided -- yes. But not denied. We're natural.

And because of this, one thing that we can always rely on to teach us things is nature itself.

After all, we ARE nature, right? So why not look to nature for insights on how things really work on this planet? Because, after all, nature has been around a long, long time -- and the last time I checked, trees and shrubs and mountains weren't spending time in therapy. So they must be doing some things right.

The first thing we can look at, as we curiously gaze at our natural relatives -- trees, grass, flowers, and so forth -- is that there is a latency period between when a process starts, and when so-called "results" are achieved.

In simpler terms: things take time. And what is planted today may not seem to "grow" for weeks, months or even years.

Of course, that growth is always happening. A seed planted today may not grow into a plant for weeks or months -- but that doesn't mean that it goes from a completely dormant seed to a "growing plant" when the stem appears to emerge from the earth. The growth is taking place from the moment the seed is planted; though we may not be able to detect this visually.

These days, we're relentlessly focused on results -- on outcomes. That isn't so bad (I guess...) EXCEPT when we stop to realize that this focus on results or outcomes is really quite...well, it's quite unreal.

In nature, there are no outcomes; no results.

Nature is NOT a results-driven experience.

It's a constant, continuum of progress. Sometimes, yes, we can "see" that process in the form of a flower or a plant. But all we're seeing is a part of the process. And, really, only a tiny, tiny part of it all.

There are things about you that you may want to change. If you focus entirely on results and outcomes, guess what? You won't get there. Results and outcomes are merely parts of a process that begins in the only place where change can happen.

Here, now.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Are You Really Searching for Self Help?

The self-help world is big. Very big. Bigger than most people think. And it's quite old, as well. You can go back into the mid 20th century to find a thriving, established "self help" marketplace. In fact, you can go further back than that if you want. Marcus Aurelius' "meditations" are as self-help as anything you'll ever find.

So...if self-help has been around for so long, and so many people throughout the years have accessed it in some form or another (a book, a workshop, a whatever), then we have to ask a really important, but rather strange question: why are so many people not being self-helped?

Really. Shouldn't the world be a qualitatively better place? Why, if there is so much self-help stuff out there, do we -- as a species and as individuals -- run into the same problems over and over and over?

My guess?

It's not self-help that is to "blame" for this. Well, okay, some self-help stuff is really terrible, and exists simply to get your money. But a lot of self-help stuff is great -- including Aurelius' meditations.

The real problem as I see it is that self-help is not there to validate or justify your current behavior; and this is a problem for MANY people. Basically, they want to find a self-help path that "confirms" what they want to have confirmed: that other people are toxic, that all they have to do is "let go of negativity" and pretty much continue doing everything that they've been doing.

Self-help -- REAL self-help -- doesn't conform to what you want it to be. It doesn't simply provide you with a framework to like what you currently like, dislike what you currently dislike, and therefore -- paradoxically -- never change.

In fact, many people on the self-help path soon realize that -- inevitably -- they will have to change their framework, their attitude, and their approach. And this is when a lot of people put away the self-help book or turn off the DVD, because it becomes...well, it becomes inconvenient. All of a sudden, that self-help advice is getting a bit too pushy; it's getting in the way of how you want to live your life.

Self-help is not easy. It may seem easy -- because writers use stories and graphics and it all seems like "common sense," -- but it's simply not easy. It's, arguably, the hardest thing you'll ever do. Facing your OWN behaviour patterns -- seeing the utter error of how you interpret reality and project back onto it -- is not easy. For the ego, it's humiliating.

If you're on the self-help path, remember: it's not a game. It's a commitment. Are you ready to make it?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Hell is Other People

Eckhart Tolle is one of many gifted Spiritual Teachers who enjoy (and yes, I think it is enjoyable to them) quoting Jean-Paul Sartre's observation that "hell is other people." But what makes this quoting by Tolle and others so insightful, is that while they agree with Sartre's point, the utterly disagree with Sartre's level of understanding.

For Tolle and others, the idea that "hell is other people" is not about other people. It's about ego. And when we use ego here, we aren't referring to "egotism" or "excessive pride" or any of the other wildly inaccurate uses of the word "ego." In the clearest sense, ego is simply -- and specifically -- a state of duality or of separateness. Ego is what makes people think that they are separate from existence itself (and hence, the things in existence, such as -- but not limited to -- other people).

Confused? Let's slow down a little -- or rather, let's back up a bit.

We commonly think of "ego" as something that someone has "too much of" and is therefore being egotistical. So when you run into that (sigh) relative who won't stop talking about his great job or his whatever, it's common to wait until he's gone and say aloud: WOW, what a giant ego that guy has!

But this application of ego is incorrect; because ego is by no means limited to "bragging" or "boasting" or "pride." Ego means identification with form. And by extension, identification with form means -- because it has to mean -- that things are separate. In other words, one cannot identify with form without, in the same process, separating existence into (arbitrary) categories.

Hence, even "nice people" -- really humble ones -- indeed, have an ego as long as they identify with their humility or nice-ness (and if you want to find out just how big their ego is, go ahead and tell them that they have one in the first place and then watch them freak out! :)

So to start making sense of what Tolle and others are saying about Sartre's "hell is other people," observation, we first have to understand what Tolle and others define as the ego: it is a fictitious, arbitrary, and 100% mind-constructed "thing" that separates reality into smaller pieces: good, bad, nice, nasty, helpful, harmful, and so on. And because we live in an utterly mind-dominated society, we can also say that we live in an utterly ego-dominated society.

So, yes, when we meet other people -- and we see them as 'others' because we are seeing them through our fictitious ego -- naturally, without question, it's going to be hell. Oh, it may seem like heaven for a while...but invariably, every relationship turns into hell. This is not pessimism -- it's hard core reality. People who "manage" to survive together almost never do so because they want to; rather, the costs of the alternative (measured not necessarily in financial terms, but social and other ways) is just too high. But if they could have a wish granted...you know what that wish would be!

Why is this happening? And why are people running around from partner to partner, trying to avoid the hell that is intrinsic in every mind/ego-run relationship? Because, sadly, people are not identifying the root cause of the problem. The problem is NOT with other people. The problem is not with you, either. The problem is with the ego and its need to view things as separate.

That's why people who live "in nature" and away from people can seem quite peaceful -- because there are no OTHERS to reveal hell -- but that peace is quite artificial -- just drop them in a big city or in a big group, and watch the peace vaporize. Real peace doesn't turn into violence merely by changing the scenery. Real peace is not circumstantial; it is permanent. It doesn't change with context.

Meditation is simply -- and quite ordinary, really -- an effortless effort to take you to a state of conscious egoless-ness. You go into this state during deep sleep, but because you aren't conscious, you aren't aware.

Any meditation that takes you into thought is not a meditation. It's just exercise, and probably, harmful.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Challenge is Now

In life, we tend to focus on future goals -- things that are hopefully going to happen tomorrow, or next year, or maybe even a decade after that.

What many people don't realize, is that an obsession -- and yes, it is an obsession -- with future-oriented goals is, in essence, a tactic that the mind uses to avoid the present. It's a diversion. Yes, it's sometimes a nice diversion -- thinking about that vacation three months from now may be a pleasant thing to think about -- but it's still a diversion nonetheless.

This is actually one of the BIG problems with "goal setting." There is, of course, nothing wrong with setting goals. In fact, it's easy to agree that goals are very important and quite beneficial -- why not? If becoming healthier is a goal, improving the quality of what you do is a goal, finding a better job...whatever. These are all good goals.

But when these goals start to become diversions, then it becomes a problem -- because it's not about the goals anymore. It's about the diversion.

Goals that pull you out of the present moment -- and obsessively drag you -- are not actually helpful. Rather, they numb you against reality -- which is, possibly, a short-term strategy but hardly a healthy way to live an entire life.

Are you replacing reality with "goals"?

Be careful -- because if you do that, then rest assured: you'll never achieve your goals. As soon as you come near one, a new goal will emerge -- because, again, it's not about the goal -- it's about diverting you from the present moment.

It's about keeping you away from yourself -- which is what you want (regardless of what the advertisers tell you :)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Power

Many of us tend to think of "power" as something belonging to a select few; say, leaders of countries or CEOs or folks who have a lot of influence in one form or another.

However, this perception of power -- that it's coveted by a precious few -- is quite...well, it's quite wrong.

Yes, those people do have power -- and we can't deny that. That's not the wrong part.

The wrong part is the belief that only those people have power, and "the rest of us" don't. This is just not the case.

It doesn't matter what you do, how much money you have, who you know, or anything remotely connected with your personality or what you currently identify with (e.g. your job, your status, your whatever). You have power.

Want proof?

Go into a little store or a coffee shop, or anywhere else "ordinary" that you've been to a hundred times before. When you hand your money over to the clerk, you are exercising your power. You can do it -- hand the money over -- very miserably if you want to. You can be rude or even hostile. You can be....well, you can be a real jerk!

OR

You can hand your money over with a smile, with gentle eye contact, with a simple "thanks" or whatever else springs forth from you that is simply a more evolved use of your power.

Every day you have numerous opportunities to use your power. But because you don't see it as power -- you don't see that when you order food at a restaurant, you are expressing a kind of power -- you miss the opportunity. And, as such, you may use your power very incorrectly; you may use it to dominate, to humiliate, to "put people in their place" or any of the other awful -- but very common -- uses of power.

Remember: power doesn't corrupt. Some people are already corrupt and power simply activates that corruption. Why blame power? Power is just energy. Power is like the sun. If the sun shines on a scene of one person harming another, why blame the sun for "lighting" that scene? It's the people -- not the sun.

Same goes for power.

Starting NOW, be more aware of the power you have in your life. It could be (and likely is) power over a family member -- say, a child or maybe even a spouse. Or at work, you may have power over some of your colleagues -- maybe the ones that you don't consider "important" to you and your career. How do you treat these people? Do you treat them with contempt? Would you treat them like this if, say, tomorrow they became your boss? Or would you change...

Be aware of how much power you REALLY have in your day -- you will be amazed at how much there is. More than you ever thought possible!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Recurring Challenges

Life has a way of presenting us with "themes" that can, and do, manifest in countless different ways. But regardless of how things change, these themes tend to follow us -- and influence us -- over large spans of our life; for some people, most of their life.

Now, one way to look at these themes -- and, really, the most common way -- is to simply dislike them and proclaim them as "yet another example of [enter bad/unwanted thing] happening." And, despite these proclamations, these things keep happening (they're themes after all...)

However, another -- much more insightful and useful -- way to look at these themes, is to view them as challenges that need to be addressed. So instead of dreading them, avoiding them, or trying to repress them, they're simply greeted as challenges: as messengers that need to teach you something about yourself; as growth that you need to experience.

The next time "that old situation" happens -- you know, the one that keeps happening over and over in some form or another -- instead of turning away from it, face it. You don't have to DO anything in the outer sense. This is 100% internal. See the theme for what it is -- it's a gift. Open it.

And then watch how you move beyond.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Lessons from Little Children

I saw something very...instructive today. And my instruction revolved around a little girl -- about, say, 2 years old. Much like any other 2 year old little girl that you'd see anywhere: smiling sometimes, wide-eyed other times, insatiably curious, freely and enjoyably making sounds ("wheeeeeee" and "blop blop blop" and so on) that make 2 year olds 2 year olds. You could say that this little girl was pretty much exactly like any other 2 year old girl in the world -- except for one thing. She relied on a walker to help her move.

For those who aren't familiar with a walker (or may call it something else), it's one of those devices that help people, who don't have the strength or balance to put weight on their legs, to move -- to walk. Unlike a cane, a walker needs both hands. It's kind of like holding on to a small, half-sized shopping cart without wheels. I'm sure you know what I mean, even though it's a bit hard to describe in words.

Now, here's the thing that I found so remarkably instructive (such that it inspired me to want to share it with you today).

This little girl seemed -- and I'm certain that she was -- utterly oblivious to the fact that she needed a walker to get around. That is, she was utterly uninterested in her walker. She wasn't miserable, she wasn't resenting, and given that she was 2 years old (or maybe even 1 and a half), it's also certain that she doesn't care about her walker. Or, in fact, it's much more likely that she likes her walker -- much in the way 2 year olds "like" the vacuum cleaner or "like" the TV, and authentically engage these things and, really, treat them with respect and friendship (I know a 2 year old who kisses, hugs and says "good night" to the blue hippopotamus at the nearby children's park -- and she means it).

Now, there's more to this story -- here's where it gets really interesting.

As adults came into "sight" of this wonderful, happy little girl, I could see -- because I was watching, because that's what I do -- that this is precisely what came into their minds as they saw this girl: oh that poor little girl.

I'm CERTAIN. And I'm not being critical or unfair; I don't think that these adults deliberately thought this thought; I think it was automatic -- it just zapped into their mind. And you could see a wave of pity -- not sympathy, but pity -- float across their expressions. They felt sorry for the little girl and her walker-needing life. Some of the adults even looked embarrassed -- as if they didn't want to be seen to be staring, with pity, at this little girl. Most people looked away, but then later, looked back to get another glimpse of the sad little girl with the even sadder walker.

I'm not here to say that this 2 year old girl was enlightened; that she was somehow in a kind of awakened state of acceptance with her physical limitations. Obviously, this little girl doesn't even KNOW that she has a physical limitation -- so to ascribe to her a Buddha-like level of tolerance and acceptance is unfair and quite wrong, really.

What was instructive, though, was that this little girl's quality of life was simply not "filtered through" her limitation. She did not define her reality through the lens of her limitation. She was not a physically handicapped child enjoying her life. She was enjoying her life. She was proving -- with her very existence -- that life can easily be enjoyed regardless of limitations.

Of course, this little girl will grow up...and society will start to remind her, in many many many different ways - some direct, some indirect, some harsh, some not -- that she is "physically handicapped." And, regrettably, this happy little girl may start to view her life through that lens -- much the way survivors of some kind of abuse or catastrophe start to, habitually, view their life as a response to that event. They claim to be "cured" or have "survived" it, but it still follows them around like a shadow that doesn't need the sun. The very paradigm of their life is seen through that event -- through that limitation.

In your life, there are limitations. It doesn't matter who you are, where you live, or what you do. You may be a millionaire -- you may not. You may be perfectly healthy -- or not. Or whatever. You have limitations -- that is the nature of being human. Some of those limitations are specific to you; others to where you live, or other factors that have nothing, personally, to do with you.

However, these limitations are not as powerful as you may think they are; and, perhaps, as you would like them to be. Your happiness -- your choice to be happy -- is not linked to your limitations.

That little girl hasn't discovered her limitations yet; she doesn't need to. She's doing just fine.

It's the adults who need to re-program.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Where is Your Heart?

The Secret advises people to pay attention to their feelings in order to truly grasp "where they are." This is very good advice, but it's also quite hard to follow. Many of us live in a rather obsessed thinking-world -- and yes, it's probably pathological in some cases (that we seem, as a species, on the verge of destroying this very old planet seems to be fairly damming evidence that thinking hasn't led to Utopia).

So because we're living, breathing, and even sleeping in a thought-obsessed world, the advice to pay attention to feelings may be easier said than done. Some people really are so out of touch with their feelings, that they really don't feel anymore at all -- they think that they feel.

That's like saying you think that you like vanilla ice cream as you eat it.

So here is some simpler advice: throughout your day, ask yourself a very easy question: where is my heart?

Really. It sounds weird, but try it. As you interact with people -- especially people that you don't like :) -- ask yourself: where is my heart?

Pour more of your attention towards your heart; shift it from your head TO your heart. And then, when you do, start to wait for a response -- because, yes, believe it or not: your heart speaks.

For example, your heart may tell you that you're being phoney. Or cunning, or mean, or that you're power tripping, or anything else that your head says is perfectly "rational" but your heart KNOWS is not in alignment with the person you want to be.

Remember this little pointer: the head THINKS -- the heart KNOWS.

The head likes to THINK that it KNOWS, but it doesn't -- it only thinks. The head KNOWS nothing. That's why it thinks so much -- because it never really knows. What it thinks today will change tomorrow -- thinking is like that. It's like trying to pour water into a cup with no bottom.

The heart, however, KNOWS -- and doesn't need to think.

That's why in some cultures where formal education or left-brain dominated systems aren't in place, you will find people that are astonishingly intelligent. It's not because they out-think the rest of us -- it's because they haven't left their heart.

The heart knows.

What is your heart telling you?

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Future is Today

Most of us -- 99.9% of us -- make a kind of strange, life-changing "deal" with this thing called future. We say -- in many different ways -- that when something in the future happens, then we'll do something else. Perhaps it's a question of money, or of relationships, or anything else.

Basically, we make deals with life. And even stranger, we make deals with God -- as if God (and I'm not preaching here) is a kind of...well, a kind of thing on eBay that will be impressed by a good offer. As if we say to God "Okay, you won't give me the job I want if I merely donate 2 hours of my week to charity...what about 4? Okay final offer...6? 6.5 PLUS this amazing blender that slices, and dices, and chops carrots like you've never seen before..."

If you're offended by how absurd this all is, then good -- because it really IS this absurd. This is how millions of people live and communicate with life (or God or "the universe" or whatever). They try and broker and negotiate "terms."

It's all so...weird, really.

Life is simple. It's, in fact, far too simple for the human mind to accept -- because the mind really has no value in a simple world -- and so people make things wildly more complicated than they are; because complexity needs mind, and mind needs complexity.

You can't make a "deal" with the future, because, quite simply, there is no such thing as future.

Yeah, yeah, you can look at a calendar and say that a month from now is "future," but that's just really an organizing tactic -- something to add a shape to an otherwise essentially shapeless experience.

In reality -- and we all know this from ongoing personal experience (that we don't pay attention to!), there is no such thing as future. We've never "arrived" in the future. We aren't "moving ahead" towards tomorrow, we're always in the same place. ALWAYS. We are in the precise same place now as we were in our childhood, and where we'll be if we're lucky enough to make it another 20 years or 40 years or however many years "from now." Really, there is no from now. There's just this.

Right now. THIS.

THIS is your future.

And -- simply -- if you want to experience a better, more nourishing, more peaceful, more satisfying THIS, then you can't wait until the future "shows up" so you'll "show up." There is nothing to show up. The future isn't going to arrive -- it never arrives.

So if you want to start becoming more loving, more understanding, more compassionate, more empathetic, more giving, more YOURSELF, then here is the only advice you need: start now.

You can't start tomorrow. Not because you won't -- but because you can't.

Why wait until you're on your death bed to finally figure this out -- it'll be too late! Figure it out NOW and enjoy your precious life.

Weird, isn't it?

Monday, May 12, 2008

Two BIG Reasons why Money Doesn't Buy Happiness

We've all heard the old saying that "money doesn't buy happiness."

But WHY not? I mean, what's the real problem here?

The real problem here has nothing -- at all -- to do with money. That's why we should totally leave money out of this old saying; what has money done? Money is not even alive. Why blame money? The problem is with people, not with money.

Really, the saying should be "people with money can't buy happiness" -- because, if nothing else, this puts the root of the problem where it, in reality, is: with people.

When people have excessive money -- or, at least, try to live like they do -- they start to do two things simultaneously; and unconsciously, too:

1. They start trying to solve problems with money when those problems would otherwise compel an increase in consciousness;

2. They start to view people as commodities -- "things" to be bought and sold, like anything else in a store.

Both of these things are simply against anything remotely connected to spirituality (and I'm not saying religion -- I mean spirituality, which is your intimate, divine relationship with your interiority).

Life will always give you challenges, regardless of how much money you have. That's the nature of life: to give you challenges to teach you different things. People with excessive amounts of money, however, unconsciously and automatically start solving almost EVERY problem with money -- and this is really, in many cases, a short-cut. Instead of solving the problem and deeply facing it, money can help numb the pain and in many ways avoid it entirely. It's like alcohol; except excessive spending is (rather absurdly, really) seen as a "good thing" that more people should do, whereas excessive drinking is seen as a real problem that needs treatment (and it is, and does).

That's why rich people are stunned -- truly, they're amazed -- at how problematic their life becomes after they "get rich." One core reason is simply that they stop looking at their real problems and just avoid them through money. If a job is frustrating, for example, instead of looking at it and seeing the subtle fact that problems "out there" in the world are often reflections of problems "inside," a person who has the financial means can just quit and get another job. Or another spouse. Or another house.

The problems, however, never go away because they're never dealt with. At even the merest sign of frustration or what would be called "depression," a wealthy person will almost always just spend their way to happiness; because they can -- and because other wealthy people expect them too live life that way.

The other aspect of the money-misery problem is just as real: a love of money becomes a lens of money, and that means human beings are reduced to inputs and outputs; to their value, in financial terms. That's why people really, deeply, dislike rich people -- it's not about their money, it's about the fact that rich people have a knack of making non-rich people feel dehumanized; about being nothing more than useful to a rich person's ongoing quest for wealth, or useless. If they're useful, then they are valued. If useless, they are not.

I'm not against wealth AT ALL. Wealth is fantastic. But it should be enjoyed consciously -- and not to simply avoid reality and live in a temporarily problem-free bubble, or just as destructively, to reduce people into mere commodities; into robots that serve a financial purpose or not.

Friday, May 9, 2008

What's Wrong with the Present Moment?

There's a lot -- and I mean a lot -- of "talk" these days about this thing called the present moment. It's everywhere. On TV. In books. Workshops. Seminars. Blogs. Everywhere!

Of course, this isn't new at all -- the call to "the present moment" is an ancient as any spiritual teaching in the world. Of course, it used different terms, but the core concept was the same: surrender the past, ignore the future, and find yourself in the here and now.

Sounds easy huh?

So...

Why is it so difficult?

Really. What's the big deal about this? Why are so many people -- for sooooo long -- talking about this present moment thing? Why is it so hard to "be" in it? Why should something so simple occupy the teachings of so many people?

It's because of one core, essential, perennial concept: the mind cannot exist in the present moment. In fact, the present moment is death to the mind.

Ask yourself: is the struggle to enter the present moment really your struggle? Or is it your mind trying to keep you -- in a million different ways -- from experiencing the here and now?

Thursday, May 8, 2008

The Powerless of Positive Thinking

Some people believe -- or would like to believe -- that to "achieve" the optimal life that they envision is simply a matter of thinking correctly. In other words, they figure that it's all about how you think. If you think positively, you'll ultimately experience positive results; and the same goes for the opposite.

This is true.

However, it's not the whole picture -- and this is where the problem lies for many, many people.

Let's start with the true part. Yes, if you allow yourself to value the positive in a situation, a person, an event or some other aspect of life, then that is most certainly a very intelligent way to live. It allows you to identify possibilities and be open to change in ways that people who are obsessively negative simply can't.

So far, so good.

But the "problem" with positive thinking, is that it's still thinking and that means that it requires mind -- and peace cannot, does not, and never will come exclusively through the mind.

Have you ever been in a "zone"? When you were so deeply immersed in an activity (perhaps a sport, or a hobby, or something that you really love doing), that you were there, the activity was there...but your mind wasn't there? It's not that you were "stupid" -- in fact, you were performing at the peak of intelligence. There was an inner harmony and clarity that aligned itself with reality -- you were one with reality.

That's because there was no narrative, thought-obsessed mind getting in the way of you and reality.

Yes, use your mind -- it's a tool. But don't be used by it. Positive thinking is valuable only when you need to think. But when you don't need to think: DON'T THINK.

Meditation is nothing more than the process of alertly experiencing reality without thoughts; of doing it with awareness. We experience this level of no-thought in deep sleep, but we aren't conscious -- we aren't alert. To experience this state of being while alert -- to simply co-exist with the absolute vastness of inner space -- is meditation, and it is the best compliment to positive thinking that there is.

So yes, think positively. Focus on solutions and harmony. Look for points of agreement. Do all of that -- it will brighten your life and those around you. But -- don't think when you don't have to.

And believe it or not, most of the time, you don't have to.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Meditation is a Be, Not a Do

Many people are interested in this thing called meditation, and as a result, there's a growing volume of advice -- most of it well-intentioned -- to help folks become meditators.

If you happen to be on of these meditation-interested people, then that's good. But before you dive into meditation, there's one core thing that really, really needs to be understood at the deepest layer of your being.

Meditation is not a doing. It's not an object of achievement. It's not a goal. It's not an activity. It's absolutely nothing like anything else that you do -- because, again, it's not a doing.

Meditation is impossible to describe in words, because all words are -- by definition -- objects. Even to say that something is "object-less" is impossible, because the mere term -- object-less -- is an object.

Confusing, isn't it?

The best-known meditators -- Buddha, Lao Tzu and many others -- have, out of compassion, suggested some words that function as pointers -- nothing more than pointers -- towards the inner essence of meditation. They've used words like non-doing or non-being, or nirvana or no-mind. And, indeed, they've been wildly misunderstood by millions of people who try to fit these terms into an objectified-world; into a world that is dominated by external concepts, be they physical things or conceptual definitions.

When you go into meditation, the idea to take with you is that you aren't meditating. There is no YOU to meditate. Rather, you are opening yourself up to the inner space that is by no means your personal property but is most certainly your universal birthright.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Law of Balance

If you listen to the mystics (and this is a good idea), there are many "laws" at work in the universe. Or, if that concept -- the universe -- is too grand or melodramatic for some, just say "the regular, ordinary world."

Yes, The Law of Attraction is apparently one of them. But it's certainly not the only law that is proposed to be "in effect" in our world. There's the law of causation, the law of change, and one that is probably influencing a lot of people who have achieved some level of success: the law of balance.

The world, as an organic whole, has a tremendous interior intelligence that drives towards balance. I'm not talking specifically about economic balance or so-called democratic/political balance. Forget all that -- just look at nature itself. It "gets" balance -- and it demonstrates it.

For some people, despite experiencing so-called success in their life (financial or otherwise), they lose balance. They lose touch with themselves, and they further lose touch with the very ideas that generated their success in the first place. In simpler terms: they violate the law of balance.

And what happens when you violate the law of balance? Well, obviously, you get balanced.

Lots and lots of successful people get balanced, sooner or later.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Love, Self-Help Style

The word love appears in so many things -- including advertising for soap or songs about fish or whatever else -- that it's hard to accept that this word is without question the most powerful thing in existence.

Why? Why does love matter so much? Because quite simply: all we want to be is loved, and all we want to do is to love.

That's really it.

The millionaire that can't stop making money even though he has enough for 10 lifetimes? He's not "ambitious" or "successful" -- he's just some guy searching desperately for love. He figures that people will love him because of his money, and he figures that he might as well start loving money -- since people can be so unreliable. And so he goes on making more money than he knows what to do with.

He's looking for love; he's yearning to be loved.

When you sit back and try and "desire" what you want -- you would really save yourself a great deal of time and, possibly, of suffering if you really look deeply at what it is that you're after. Do you want a million dollars? Or do you want to be loved?

If you aren't clear and honest with yourself, then guess what: even if you get your million dollars, you'll end up in worse shape then you are today.

It happens all the time. We just don't like to see it :)

Friday, May 2, 2008

You Can't Give What You Don't Have

If someone comes up to you and asks you for, say, a glass of water, then in order for you to be of service you must have at least one thing: water. Sounds simple, huh?

It is simple. Yet it's harder to see things this simply when we look at more abstract concepts like love, compassion, caring, empathy or inspiration.

Many people are trying to "be" more something. They want to be more loving, more caring, more something. Perhaps they want to be more generous, or more patient, or any number of things.

The problem with this, though, is that -- just like the glass of water -- you can't be something unless you have it. You can't offer someone a glass of water unless you have water. You therefore can't offer someone love unless you have love. Or compassion. Or empathy. Or anything.

So -- how do you "be" all of these things? You must start by accepting yourself. You must start by accepting who you are in your totality. Even if there are "parts of you" (which is really not possible -- you exist as a whole, not as a bunch of components like a car or a computer) that you don't like, accept them.

When you start to accept yourself -- and by this I don't mean that you start justifying your bad habits or rationalizing things about yourself that are destructive and harmful -- but when you start to accept yourself as a whole being, you start to cultivate the qualities in you that, indeed, you will want to share.

In fact, you won't really have a choice. Just like a river must share its water when it has too much -- it must overflow onto the banks, it has no choice -- you, too, will overflow with whatever is inside you. It could be love, compassion, enthusiasm -- you name it. It will be the fragrance of your being.

But you must accept yourself to start the transition.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Watch Your Mind

An ancient zen teaching is for disciples to "watch their mind." This sounds rather strange, doesn't it? After all, don't people use their mind to watch things? How can you "watch" the thing that you use to watch it with? It would be like taking a picture of your camera with your camera.

However, the very essence of this zen teaching is that there is a "something" (for lack of a better word) that exists apart from your mind. It's the witness -- it's that silent, untouched space that, fundamentally, is the only thing that can truly be said to be "yours." Identities come and go, personalities come and go, everything else changes -- except that witness.

Now, you may not be a zen disciple :) but that doesn't mean that you can't benefit from watching your mind. Instead of identifying with it -- and riding the roller coaster of happy/sad/happy/sad/happy/sad all day long, year after year -- try and reclaim your inner spaciousness; try and return to your witness.

The peace that you'll feel when you do this cannot be described. That, in essence, is the goal of meditation: to return you to that inner, untouched, perfect space. To remember your real self: the witness.