What You Reject, You Project

It’s very tempting to identify what we hate about other people. Or, if hate is too strong of a word, pick something else: dislike, cannot tolerate…whatever.

The point is, is that it’s often easier to see what we don’t like about someone than what we DO like – and it’s often easier for our minds to grasp the negative. Years and years of practice will do that!

But beware – or rather, be ALERT: what you reject in others, you often PROJECT onto reality. It’s the old saying: if you have a hammer in your hand, everything looks like a nail.

Instead of focusing on what it is about others that “bother” you – focus on what part it is about YOURSELF that another person is uncomfortably shedding light on. Because, really, you cannot feel something that isn’t a part of you, right? If someone else is triggering a negative response in you, the response (more of a reaction, really) is in YOU. So why not look at it in YOU instead of trying to find it in other people? It’s a lot easier, and really, you’re a lot closer to you than you are to anyone else.

Remember: the good we see in others is in us…and the bad we see in others is ALSO in us. Start noticing – and in a strange way, being grateful – to people who invoke negative feelings in you; don’t run away from those feelings and dismiss them as “bad” – they are there to TEACH YOU something about YOU.

Spend time reflecting on what it really is about other people that “bug you” – and deeply look inside to see what it is about YOU that this is triggering. Once you figure this out -- once you unlock the awareness that the triggering is trying to teach you -- you may discover, as many people have, that those things start to fade away on their own. You no longer have to fight against them -- you no longer have to reject them. They have done their job. They have added to your consciousness; to your being.

Remember: growth cannot happen exclusively through happiness. Growth happens through awareness; not through happiness.