Saying Goodbye to IF, THEN

One of the most important teachings in The Secret -- I'd say, the most important -- is the basic fact that you have to participate in the Law of Attraction (LOA). That doesn't mean that you have to aggressively pursue your goals -- in fact, that doesn't work! As you must know from experience -- getting what you've wanted through aggression, manipulation, politics and other strategies has left you more miserable than before, with a shorter lifespan ahead to get it right...not a good deal.

What "participating in LOA" means is that you have to SHOW UP in your life; you have to actively decide, with the power of your intent, that you want to see a change in your life. As we've discussed in previous posts, perhaps that change will come from you; but more likely, it will come through and around you -- and you have to be ready for that change. You have to welcome it, embrace it, appreciate it, and indeed, be grateful for it.

And all of these things -- the welcoming, the embracing, the appreciation, and so on -- can only happen when you show up in your life. In other words, you can't play an "if-then" game with reality. You can't say:

• if life gives me a million dollars (or more), then I'll start being generous



• if life gives me good health, then I'll start enjoying my body



• if life gives me fame and recognition, then I'll start accepting myself



• if life gives me loyalty and security, then I'll start relaxing



• if life gives me approval, then I'll start having fun



• if life gives me success, then I'll start sharing and creating with others



• if life becomes more enjoyable, then I'll start focusing on things that matter



• if life becomes safer, then I'll start accepting other people as equals



• if life becomes more peaceful, then I'll start generating change and growth



• if life becomes more understandable, then I'll initiate and lead growth

And you can probably fill in your own "if, then" statement if you don't see one up there that, in some way, covers your current situation.

Today's lesson is simple (they're always simple!). Put aside the if-then statements; because the universe simply doesn't work that way...fortunately!

So...What Do You REALLY Want?

The Secret looks at three areas of life -- we might call them themes -- within which the Law of Attraction (LOA) can work: career, relationship and health. Now, obviously, LOA must, by definition, be able to work in other areas of life, too (it is a law after all, not a preference). But the folks behind The Secret decided -- probably after much discussion and reflection -- to focus on those three areas in the production: career, relationship and health.

Personally, I think they made a very wise decision in choosing these three areas, because they really do "cover" many of the areas within which we find ourselves searching for solutions or, more often, running into the same blocks and obstacles over and over.

However, as wise as The Secret is -- and without question, I'm a dedicated proponent of its teachings and I'm grateful for the contribution it continues to make in the world today -- there is a piece of the puzzle that really needs a little more exploration. Again, I'm not criticizing The Secret for missing out on this -- because I really think they had to make an "editorial decision" to either go deeply into it, or leave it out -- and so, really, they left it out (though they may indeed look at it in The Sequel to the Secret -- we'll see!).

What's the overlooked aspect? It's the title of today's post: what do you really want?

It sounds like a...well, maybe even kind of a dumb question, right? If you need money, you want money. If you're ill, you want health. If you're lonely, you want to find that special friend or life partner. Isn't it obvious? Well...no :) It's not.

You see, many people are actually confused about what they want. Or, to put it more pleasantly and in friendlier terms (because we are all about friendliness here :), they are not clear on what will actually lead them to the happiness that they seek.

Confusing? Let's look at a practical example.

Let's say that you're a self-admitted -- perhaps even proud -- "workaholic." You work at least 10 hours a day, including on the weekends, and a vacation for you is really not a vacation at all: the scenery changes, but you and your "workload" remains the same. And like most workaholics, you really don't see anything wrong or "unhealthy" about being a workaholic! In fact, you're amazed that more people aren't as focused on work, success, productivity, efficiency, and other things that are important priorities in your life. You wish the world would work as hard as YOU -- then things would improve!

Uhhh....(you know what I'm going to say, right?)

Hard work is good -- within reason, and if it's for the right things. But workaholism isn't good; in fact, it's a neurosis. It's pathological -- it is a mental illness. The fact that so many people these days share this illness simply makes it less overt; harder to see. But that doesn't mean that it's not a legitimate and potentially serious problem. People who cannot not work are not in control of their work anymore; they are simply trying to "keep up" with work. And eventually, energy levels fall...breakdowns occur...and things can get really, really ugly.

Now, this post today isn't about the dangers of workaholism; it's to help you understand that, in this example, if you are a workaholic, then guess what you're going to "ask" the universe for?

For peace?

For love?

For happiness?

No. You're going to ask for more efficiency! You're going to ask the universe to serve your neurosis somehow. You're going to ask the universe to help you sleep less, so that you can work even MORE. You're going to ask the universe to get rid of your inefficient, lazy co-workers so that you can work MORE. You're going to ask the universe to help give you more energy and stamina so that you can...yup, you guessed it: work MORE!

Basically, you're asking the universe to destroy you.

And, gladly, the universe is not really interested in doing that :)

And out of that fondness, the universe may not in fact give you what you claim that you want: more time, less sleep, more energy. Because deep down inside, the universe KNOWS -- even if YOU DON'T KNOW -- that what you really want is to be yourself; to be peaceful, loving, generous, and (yes) HAPPY.

And if the universe thinks that giving you less sleep and more energy is simply going to feed your ongoing campaign of unhappiness, it's not going to do it. And you should be VERY GLAD that it doesn't!

Imagine a child who loves ice cream (and who doesn't?). How "wonderful" a parent are you if you simply keep giving your child ice cream and nothing else? You're HARMING THE CHILD! Yes, a little ice cream is good. But entire meals of ice cream is beyond bad parenting; it's destructive.

The universe is not destructive. PEOPLE can be destructive, yes; but the universe as a whole is fundamentally creative (hence why creative people are the happiest people -- have you noticed?).

So here's today's advice :) Before you start asking the universe for stuff, sit back in a quiet space, relax, and deeply reflect on whether getting what you're asking for is REALLY going to make you happy -- or if it's simply going to add fuel to a neurosis or an ongoing sense of unhappiness.

Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now and most recently A New Earth, said in one of his talks that there are two ways to be unhappy: not getting what you want, and getting what you want.

I think what he meant by this is precisely what we're talking about here today: when people get what they "think" they want, they're often profoundly unhappy...because what they thought they wanted isn't REALLY what they wanted. And so they start wanting something else...and then something else...and then something else..and even if they get it, it's always not what they thought.

The universe will give you what you want -- that is the nature of the universe: unending generosity. But what do you REALLY want? Sit back, relax, close your eyes, put your feet up, and reflect. Come to your inner center and start to see what you want.

You may be rather pleasantly surprised :)

More on LOA and Change

Hello again friends. Last time we met here, we asked "whether you were embracing change?" and looked at how life is change -- and therefore, that the Law of Attraction (LOA) is change, too. We looked at how a situation may be trying to change in ways that, deep down inside, we may be resisting simply because the change isn't what we expected, envisioned or even dreamed of.

Today, I'd like to elaborate a bit more on this, because I think this particular issue -- change -- is really the defining element (for lack of a better word) of whether LOA will work for you or won't. True, there are many other aspects to consider, but I think that this is the MAJOR roadblock for some: dealing with change.

You see, it's not that change can "occur" in ways that we didn't envision; it's that the change we're seeing may seem negative from our short-term, limited perspective. And that can really SCARE us from pursuing anything remotely connected to LOA; and ultimately, squash our dreams before they have a chance to manifest in our lives.

For example, let's say that you "hang around" with people who share with you a unifying common denominator: you complain about things that you don't like about life. Now, these complaints may not be very mean-spirited (or then again, they might be). And some of those complains may be quite valid, from a "common sense" point of view (or then again, they might not). But whatever the unique configuration of your complaint-based-relationship may be, it's enough to say that the glue that holds it together is a kind of chronic, ongoing, endless, aimless, rather dedicated effort to complain about something not being the way it should.

And this may have gone on for so long -- decades, perhaps -- that, oddly, there is a kind of...enjoyable tolerance of the misery of complaining. There is a kind of nourishment that comes from it; a kind of therapy, really, from complaining. It's kind of like scratching an itch; it feels GOOD to scratch an itch, but if you keep scratching it for years and years, not only will you do some really serious damage to whatever you happen to be scratching (your leg, your face, whatever), but you'll also never actually SOLVE the itch. You'll just scratch the symptom.

Complaining, in and of itself, unmotivated and without any actual purpose, is like scratching a mental itch. It feels good, but if you do it for the long term, it's kind of...well, it's really kind of insane, really. Of course, so many people do it, that it seems normal; or, at least, there are so many more abnormal things out there that are worthy of the term abnormal. I mean, with people getting out of their cars and beating each other up, or people doing all kinds of other mad things, mere complaint seems to be the least of our social or personal problems.

Be that as it may...

Now, let's say that you start bringing LOA principles into your life. You start finding things to be grateful for. You start seeing solutions instead of problems. You start seeing beneficial opportunities for creation (even if they're very small and minor). You start becoming friendly with life itself; in a way that, perhaps, you haven't done since you were a small child.

Guess what's going to happen to your chronic "complaint-based-relationship"? It's going to change. It has to change.

And for many people, that can be a big emotional problem -- because who wants relationships to change and crumble; even if those relationships aren't nourishing, helpful or positive? We all want to think that friendships are stronger than preferences; that there is something deep and abiding about them. This is, ideally, true.

But it's simply a question of balance: by adding LOA into your life, other things will change. You don't even have to change them; in fact, you almost certainly WON'T have to change anything. New people will simply enter your life -- that's the fun part. And existing people will EXIT YOUR LIFE or at least take a much reduced role in it; and THAT can be difficult. It can make you feel like a bad friend, a bad person, or even expose you to rather dreadful criticism from people who are offended that you have the audacity to change. Maybe in the past you complained as much as anyone else in the group, and now, you simply don't contribute. You don't PREACH your views of LOA or anything else (don't do that!), but you simply don't contribute in the ways that you used to.

This can, will, and does offend people who aren't on the same path as you.

Some will follow and be inspired by what is changing in you. That's wonderful.

Some...will resent you, ridicule you, maybe even attack you -- YOU can become the subject of that criticism, all of a sudden.

This can make you feel incredibly sad inside; and may shake your commitment to transforming your life.

The choice -- as it has always been -- is up to you.

Things will come to you -- things that you like. That is positive change. Things will LEAVE you -- things that you thought you liked -- and that can seem negative.

It's up to YOU to alertly, and with awareness, embrace the new, and gently let go of what has to go. It may be relationships. It may be habits and behavior patterns. It may be small things -- it may be big things.

Remember, some things will leave you WITHOUT first "asking you" if it's okay :) And this may seem very negative. A job may leave you. Something else that you valued may leave you.

Again: stay alert, be aware, and give yourself the chance to really SEE what is happening. Don't react to events; respond to them. Adjust to them. And embrace change -- change is LIFE.

Are You Embracing Change?

One of the enduring aspects of The Secret is, of course, it’s underlying reference to the Law of Attraction (LOA).

And while LOA is quite simple in and of itself – it’s essentially the principle of like attracts like – there are aspects about it that are a bit more sophisticated and quite elegant. Understanding this deeper level will likely help you understand why LOA is working for you or why it ISN’T working for you.

This deeper elegance of LOA is really about the most emotionally-loaded word in the language; and probably, the word most responsible for more creation, more destruction, more love, more hate, more peace, more war, and more everything than anything else.

This word, of course, is change.

Life is not merely “about change” – it is synonymous with change. If the word “life” were to somehow disappear altogether from the English language, it could (and perhaps even should) be replaced by the word ‘change.’

Life cannot be static. Even if it seems to be routine, ritualistic or just plain repetitive at times, this is a perception; not a reality. As old Hereclitis says: you cannot step in the same river twice. He’s right. Change is built into the very fabric of life. It is the raw ingredient from which life is created, expressed, and ultimately, transformed from one form to another.

Now, here’s the thing: since LOA is an aspect of life, this must mean that LOA is an aspect of change. In other words: if you want to benefit from LOA, you must – by definition – accept change as part of your life.

And that, for many people is…well, it’s a problem! Because change means opening up to something new; it means, fundamentally, surrendering yourself to unimagined possibilities. It means letting go of what you think you know, because what you don’t know may very well be the change that needs to come into your life for LOA to “work” in the way that you want.

Let’s look at a practical example to help illustrate this.

Imagine that you’re in a stressful corporate-type job and it’s just becoming an exhaustive, draining, depressing experience. Instead of looking forward to another day on the job, you’re dreading it. And worse, because you’re getting “older” each day, you find yourself with less energy to stay alive (or merely survive) in your unfriendly, political and “left-brain dominated” corporate landscape.

Now, let’s say that you watch The Secret (click the link to get a copy if you haven’t seen it yet) and accept that, yes, LOA could help you free yourself from this knot of corporate pain and start your own home-based business. You may even have a friend or family member who has started their own home-based business, or you may have seen an Internet site or been to a seminar, and so you have an “idea” of what a home-based business could be about: and you want it!

And so you start absorbing and expressing the LOA principles: ask, believe, receive. And you do this with sincere intensity for several weeks, but…nothing happens. Things at work may have even become worse (it’s possible).

What might be happening here?

Paradoxically, the belief that the ONLY way to change your negative work situation is to start a home-based business (of one kind or another) may, actually, be PREVENTING your solution from manifesting itself! In other words: because you are “locked into” solving your problem a certain way, you may be resisting the change that has to take place into your life. You’re basically trying to PRESCRIBE the universe on “how to help you.” You're directing; not accepting.

The universe, fortunately, doesn’t work that way. Can you imagine the tires on a car all “intent” on going in a different direction – even of those different directions were, in themselves, ethical and “good”? The car would come apart. It would be destroyed; and the tires would actually lose far, far more than they gain, because the very vehicle that “drove” them – the body of their being – would be broken and unable to move them anywhere at all.

The message for you today, is to accept that, maybe, the change that has to happen in your life ISN’T what you envision it to be. Yes, your work situation may be a kind of living hell right now (and many work situations certainly are!). But maybe a home-based business isn’t the kind of positive change that you need. Maybe what you need to do is take a class in the evening, or maybe volunteer some of your time, or let something ELSE come into your life that will, ultimately, create a better situation for you. Maybe your workplace will start letting you do more work at home through the Internet.

Or it may be something that you can’t even imagine right now.

Yes, LOA promises that a solution to your problem is “on the way.” Now it’s up to YOU to position yourself to receive that solution. If you become obsessed with receiving only a particular solution – one that “fits” with your vision of what it “should be,” then you will almost certainly miss out on what is meant for you.

Be open, be alert, be welcome, and be aware. Watch how the universe conspires (in the nice way) to CHANGE your situation to the better.

The universe is always – always – focused on positive change. Always.

Embrace change. And then see how LOA “works” FOR you!