Where's Your Space?

Eckhart Tolle offers a wonderful and very easy, convenient and private "tool" to help you recognize and possibly adjust your internal state. He simply says, throughout the day, ask yourself a very simple, basic question:

Where is your space?

By this, Tolle doesn't mean where is your physical space. He means where is your inner space. And with that question, you're compelled to identify whether you, in fact, have any space.

Many times throughout the day, particularly if your life is filled with drama and conflict (whether you are the "cause" of it or not), you'll identify, in answering this question, that you have no space. That the inner you, and the reacting you, are merged; there is no distance between them.

When you identify with an emotion -- which is what violence is -- you lose the space between your real being, and some mind-identified form.

So ask yourself throughout the day:

where is my space?

And if you can't find it, then take an internal step back until you find it.

Tomorrow Never Comes

Perhaps the most central and most challenging issue or concept in the entire 21st century self-help world -- led by folks like Eckhart Tolle and others -- is this: tomorrow never comes.

What makes this so challenging for us to accept is that, while we without question grasp the truth of this -- we need only to reflect on our private experiences to know that there has never been a "tomorrow" in our lives -- we are faced with the fear that, if we don't somehow plan and think and prepare for tomorrow, that we will somehow abandon our responsibility to life itself. We fear, for example, that accepting that there is no tomorrow will somehow render us weak or vulnerable in any number of ways -- financially, socially, in terms of intelligence, and so on.

And we certainly know someone, or many someones, who go around talking about "there is no tomorrow" and, well, you can see that they're simply using this "belief" as an excuse to avoid the responsibilities and challenges of today. And naturally, none of us want to end up doing that -- because, as we can see, that's not a solution either. People who constantly use "there's no tomorrow" as a convenient excuse for avoiding today are hardly happy; in fact, most of the time, they are quite miserable and unhappy.

See how challenging this really is?

The thing to grasp is really to change the emphasis from "there is no tomorrow" to one that is more illuminating and, indeed, more sensible: celebrate today.

When you appreciate today, when you accept it in its totality -- yes, this includes things that your mind says it doesn't like or doesn't want -- when you grasp and allow the reality of those things to co-exist with you -- you, in essence, celebrate today.

Remember: celebrating today doesn't mean having a party every day. There is no need. Sometimes its sunny, sometimes it rains. Sometimes days are smooth and easy, sometimes they are rough and challenging. It can all be celebrated, simply by accepting it as real -- by not taking a position that is fundamentally at odds with reality.

YES you can and will change things -- in fact, you don't have do change them, they will change on their own because the language of life is change. But if you celebrate reality -- that is, if you accept the TODAY-ness of your today -- then you ride the wave of change, rather than struggle anxiously against it.

The REAL Secret

Here's a (non) news flash: I like "The Secret." In fact, I like it so much, that I encourage as many people as I can to see it. And -- as many of you know -- I even sell it from one of my other websites (http://www.the-secret-dvd.net/).

So, again: I like The Secret.

And more than mere liking, I'm very grateful to The Secret for helping bring ideas and concepts into the "mainstream" that otherwise were being ignored. Yes, it goes without saying that nothing in The Secret is actually new information. But what is new is that people who otherwise wouldn't come close to anything remotely "new age" or "metaphysical" are, indeed, talking and thinking and even experimenting about the ideas, lessons, concepts in The Secret. I consider all of this to be VERY GOOD NEWS and am glad that it's happening. Indeed, when polished, professional, successful and credible business people talk about "new age" -- more people listen. That's just how it is.

But while I like and am grateful to The Secret, I'm also of the opinion that there is actually a deeper secret behind The Secret that, quite possibly, many of the people very closely connected to The Secret don't know -- or, maybe, don't talk about as much as they should.

It's about acceptance.

The real energy behind The Secret is not, in my view, about visualizing a better reality -- one where you have a better job, or a nicer car, or whatever else you may have on a "dream board." The real mechanism of The Secret is to get you to somehow stop fighting with your present reality. And yes, one way for you to do that is to simply have you envision something better.

It's not, however, the most efficient way.

It's a bit like this:

You may have a child at home who -- like many other children -- hates to eat fruits and vegetables. And yet, you know that fruits and vegetables are essential to the child's health and well being. Furthermore, you'd really like to somehow help your child create a healthy habit of (sometimes) eating fruits and vegetables.

"Ideally" you'd simply like to talk to your child and help them understand. But that's not realistic, right? So you create a story of some kind -- something that helps the child eat their fruits and vegetables. They receive the benefit in terms of health, and eventually, you hope that they "figure it out" on their own so that when they make their own eating choices as they get older, they choose fruits and vegetables, sometimes, over other non-healthy snacks.

That "story" you told your child was helpful -- it was needed; there was no other way. It was simply unrealistic to expect your child to see things the way that they might 10, 20 or 30 years "from now" -- one where a doctor is saying: eat more fruits and vegetables to stay healthy!

Yet while the story was helpful -- it "did the job" -- it's simply not the most efficient way. The most efficient way is always a straight line (a lesson from math that applies here as well), and by taking things through a "story" there is some momentum that is lost; some effectiveness falls through. Instead of eating, say, 4-5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, a child "following a story" may each 4-5 servings a week. That's still better than NO servings a week, but it's not as great as 4-5 servings a day/28-35 servings a week.

So that difference between 28/35 servings and 4/5 servings is the "difference" that a story makes. It diminishes things. It slows things down. Yes, things are still headed in the right direction -- and that's great. But not as rapid as it could be.

When you "envision" something you remove yourself from the present moment; and that is simply an inefficient thing to do, because the present moment is all you have to work with. And so the very idea of envisioning is, in essence, an inefficient thing to do with your time. You are much, much, MUCH better off accepting reality as it is -- not as you want it to be, not as it "should be" and not as it "could be" if someone else would only do this, or if a certain situation would change.

But getting people to accept reality as it is, is not easy -- and in many cases, not practical. We are accustomed, culturally, to not accept reality -- that very "habit" is ingrained in us as children. We are always either dwelling on the past or projecting into the future. And so if The Secret or some other teaching tried to "get you to just accept the present," it likely wouldn't work for most people -- not because the teaching is wrong, but because the lesson is too difficult.

Look, for example, at the difference between pre-Oprah Eckhart Tolle and the Secret DVD. Before Oprah endorsed Eckhart's first book, The Power of Now, he wasn't selling anything. In fact, he was hand-placing copies of his book in little stores in Vancouver Canada. I believe, in fact, that he had 3000 copies created on a small press, and was unable to sell them (I could be wrong about the exact figure, but even if it's 5000 or 10000, the point is the same).

Compare this to The Secret, which sold millions and continues to do extremely well in all forms, including the amazing wealth of "secondary markets" that it has generated: speakers, workshops, books, you name it.

What Tolle was saying in "The Power of Now" was, actually, the most efficient method of achieving real change: accept the now. But, again, the message was too direct; too harsh for most people to accept.

So The Secret came by and helped people "accept the now" -- in a less efficient form -- by envisioning something better. By envisioning -- by the mere act of not resisting the now -- people started to RELAX. And by relaxing -- and NOT by anything else -- things started to open up. Fresh new possibilities emerged through that relaxation.

Of course...this has created a problem, too. It's that many people who experienced some real benefits thanks to The Secret -- because it indirectly enabled them to RELAX into the now -- don't know why they experienced those benefits. They think it's because of the envisioning; and hence, they start to become tense because what they envision "isn't happening" anymore. The irony of this shouldn't be lost on anyone: it was the "relaxing" that made the progress and positive change happen in the first place, but without awareness of this fact, tension sets in an serves to suffocate and stall that same progress and positive change from happening.

And so many people, I believe, are confused right now: they experienced pleasant growth and change "before" but now they don't see much happening at all. And so they think that they aren't "envisioning" well enough.

That's not it. It was never, actually about the envisioning in the first place.

It was about RELAXING so that you can ACCEPT THE PRESENT MOMENT.

That is the real secret behind The Secret -- to accept the now.

If you can do that, you don't "need" The Secret anymore; you become The Secret.

Where's Your Space?

One of the hardest challenges in life is "staying present." It's easy to talk about, easier to write about, but in essence staying present is the single greatest challenge that any human being can face.

Why? Because, quite simple, staying present is the essence of awareness -- which is the key to transforming your life and letting go of the things that stand in your way (including, of course, YOU!).

What makes this challenge even harder is that it's easy to think that we're "present" when things are great. I mean, when life is smooth, when the weather is nice, when things are flowing, hey, everyone is enlightened. Yet when that temporarily "peaceful" scenario changes -- when the weather changes, when stress comes in, when lack or loss strikes -- the real test of presense is administered...and, indeed, many of us fail.

It's not because we're "bad" -- this is not about morality or ethics. It's about one thing, and one thing only: awareness.

There is awareness, and there is unawareness.

Or, if you want some different terms:

There is presense, and there is unconsciousness.

The challenge of your life -- regardless of what you want, where you're headed, or anything else -- is to be aware.

As Eckhart Tolle says, the nature of life isn't to make you happy -- it's to make you aware.

So...What Do You REALLY Want?

The Secret looks at three areas of life -- we might call them themes -- within which the Law of Attraction (LOA) can work: career, relationship and health. Now, obviously, LOA must, by definition, be able to work in other areas of life, too (it is a law after all, not a preference). But the folks behind The Secret decided -- probably after much discussion and reflection -- to focus on those three areas in the production: career, relationship and health.

Personally, I think they made a very wise decision in choosing these three areas, because they really do "cover" many of the areas within which we find ourselves searching for solutions or, more often, running into the same blocks and obstacles over and over.

However, as wise as The Secret is -- and without question, I'm a dedicated proponent of its teachings and I'm grateful for the contribution it continues to make in the world today -- there is a piece of the puzzle that really needs a little more exploration. Again, I'm not criticizing The Secret for missing out on this -- because I really think they had to make an "editorial decision" to either go deeply into it, or leave it out -- and so, really, they left it out (though they may indeed look at it in The Sequel to the Secret -- we'll see!).

What's the overlooked aspect? It's the title of today's post: what do you really want?

It sounds like a...well, maybe even kind of a dumb question, right? If you need money, you want money. If you're ill, you want health. If you're lonely, you want to find that special friend or life partner. Isn't it obvious? Well...no :) It's not.

You see, many people are actually confused about what they want. Or, to put it more pleasantly and in friendlier terms (because we are all about friendliness here :), they are not clear on what will actually lead them to the happiness that they seek.

Confusing? Let's look at a practical example.

Let's say that you're a self-admitted -- perhaps even proud -- "workaholic." You work at least 10 hours a day, including on the weekends, and a vacation for you is really not a vacation at all: the scenery changes, but you and your "workload" remains the same. And like most workaholics, you really don't see anything wrong or "unhealthy" about being a workaholic! In fact, you're amazed that more people aren't as focused on work, success, productivity, efficiency, and other things that are important priorities in your life. You wish the world would work as hard as YOU -- then things would improve!

Uhhh....(you know what I'm going to say, right?)

Hard work is good -- within reason, and if it's for the right things. But workaholism isn't good; in fact, it's a neurosis. It's pathological -- it is a mental illness. The fact that so many people these days share this illness simply makes it less overt; harder to see. But that doesn't mean that it's not a legitimate and potentially serious problem. People who cannot not work are not in control of their work anymore; they are simply trying to "keep up" with work. And eventually, energy levels fall...breakdowns occur...and things can get really, really ugly.

Now, this post today isn't about the dangers of workaholism; it's to help you understand that, in this example, if you are a workaholic, then guess what you're going to "ask" the universe for?

For peace?

For love?

For happiness?

No. You're going to ask for more efficiency! You're going to ask the universe to serve your neurosis somehow. You're going to ask the universe to help you sleep less, so that you can work even MORE. You're going to ask the universe to get rid of your inefficient, lazy co-workers so that you can work MORE. You're going to ask the universe to help give you more energy and stamina so that you can...yup, you guessed it: work MORE!

Basically, you're asking the universe to destroy you.

And, gladly, the universe is not really interested in doing that :)

And out of that fondness, the universe may not in fact give you what you claim that you want: more time, less sleep, more energy. Because deep down inside, the universe KNOWS -- even if YOU DON'T KNOW -- that what you really want is to be yourself; to be peaceful, loving, generous, and (yes) HAPPY.

And if the universe thinks that giving you less sleep and more energy is simply going to feed your ongoing campaign of unhappiness, it's not going to do it. And you should be VERY GLAD that it doesn't!

Imagine a child who loves ice cream (and who doesn't?). How "wonderful" a parent are you if you simply keep giving your child ice cream and nothing else? You're HARMING THE CHILD! Yes, a little ice cream is good. But entire meals of ice cream is beyond bad parenting; it's destructive.

The universe is not destructive. PEOPLE can be destructive, yes; but the universe as a whole is fundamentally creative (hence why creative people are the happiest people -- have you noticed?).

So here's today's advice :) Before you start asking the universe for stuff, sit back in a quiet space, relax, and deeply reflect on whether getting what you're asking for is REALLY going to make you happy -- or if it's simply going to add fuel to a neurosis or an ongoing sense of unhappiness.

Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now and most recently A New Earth, said in one of his talks that there are two ways to be unhappy: not getting what you want, and getting what you want.

I think what he meant by this is precisely what we're talking about here today: when people get what they "think" they want, they're often profoundly unhappy...because what they thought they wanted isn't REALLY what they wanted. And so they start wanting something else...and then something else...and then something else..and even if they get it, it's always not what they thought.

The universe will give you what you want -- that is the nature of the universe: unending generosity. But what do you REALLY want? Sit back, relax, close your eyes, put your feet up, and reflect. Come to your inner center and start to see what you want.

You may be rather pleasantly surprised :)